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General => Random => Topic started by: Viherminttu on October 22, 2006, 07:55:52 am

Title: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Viherminttu on October 22, 2006, 07:55:52 am
my worst sexual experience.. i was 17, my american boyfriend was visiting me. we decide to do the deed. he was........crap. i lost my virginity because of 3 minutes of uNfuNFkdonenow. -_-

then there was that time my current boyfriends mother heard us at 3am.. oops. i think thats why she hates me now. IM DEFILING HER LITTLE BOY!!!11
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Irrationalist on October 22, 2006, 08:41:32 am
LOL, I'm still a virgin but I know I'll last longer than 3mins ;D , thats fucking funny. Not all Americans have such problems, however Draconis might......
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Fallout on October 22, 2006, 08:58:17 am
LOL, I'm still a virgin but I know I'll last longer than 3mins ;D , thats fucking funny. Not all Americans have such problems, however Draconis might......

Hahahah. Trust me. Your first time, it'll all be over in seconds. You'll be lucky if you last a minute.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Irrationalist on October 22, 2006, 08:59:07 am
LOL, I'm still a virgin but I know I'll last longer than 3mins ;D , thats fucking funny. Not all Americans have such problems, however Draconis might......

Hahahah. Trust me. Your first time, it'll all be over in seconds. You'll be lucky if you last a minute.

Lol, sheer willpower man, sheer willpower........
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Fallout on October 22, 2006, 09:03:09 am
LOL, I'm still a virgin but I know I'll last longer than 3mins ;D , thats fucking funny. Not all Americans have such problems, however Draconis might......

Hahahah. Trust me. Your first time, it'll all be over in seconds. You'll be lucky if you last a minute.

Lol, sheer willpower man, sheer willpower........

Willpower doesnt matter. It's not a matter of willpower, its a matter of williepower. lmfao.

Just trust me, you will not last over a minute on your first time, unless you fuck like a turtle.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Ant on October 22, 2006, 10:01:18 am
My first time...lots of beer everywhere on the floor, me not fitting into her, her hitting her heads lots, and after (worst bit) i said, 'yeah i finished a minute ago' .. why didn't i say kthxdonebai?
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Viherminttu on October 22, 2006, 04:17:21 pm
at least women can be a bit more... lasting.. their first time :P
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Cerapter on October 22, 2006, 05:37:23 pm
williepower
I'd applaud you if that hadn't messed up your karma status quo. ;D

I'm a virgin still. Haven't found the right Pokémon yet.

So I've gained enough wits to trust I'm not going to last long the first time. Knowing what to expect, I won't go about creating any disappointment. The very first time is just a warm-up round anyway.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Fallout on October 22, 2006, 05:53:08 pm
Oh, dont worry. I dont mind applauds now, I welcome them. :)
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: SpeedD on October 22, 2006, 10:00:11 pm
Willpower doesnt matter. It's not a matter of willpower, its a matter of williepower. lmfao.

I laughed. Actually, I read that this morning and laughed about it at work. Congrats Fallout. You made a funny.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Ant on October 23, 2006, 12:23:16 am
at least women can be a bit more... lasting.. their first time :P

This was after 8 minutes or so :P
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Lexx on October 23, 2006, 02:52:34 am
Worst experience.. well there have been a few (too many..) experiences that just shouldn't have happened in the first place.. but weren't bad themelves.

And first times can generally be ignored, since they're intrinsicly bad. Not that I remember mine.

LOL, I'm still a virgin but I know I'll last longer than 3mins ;D

How do you know? Do you masterbate 20 times a day to build up that penile stamina?

at least women can be a bit more... lasting.. their first time :P

The advantage women have is they can generally, more easily keep going after that point.. (sometimes weather they like it or not)
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Outboundlight on October 23, 2006, 03:34:21 am
hoo0o0o0o0o0o0o0o boy... where to begin...


I think the all time worst may have been when I got caught having sex in the toilets of a childrens amusement center at about 4am while wearing a tuxedo.


I swear to god I'm not even making that up.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: SpeedD on October 23, 2006, 04:00:26 am
I think the all time worst may have been when I got caught having sex in the toilets of a childrens amusement center at about 4am while wearing a tuxedo.

Damn.

That makes one fucking good story. Or one good fucking story, as the case may be.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Viherminttu on October 23, 2006, 01:29:50 pm
hoo0o0o0o0o0o0o0o boy... where to begin...


I think the all time worst may have been when I got caught having sex in the toilets of a childrens amusement center at about 4am while wearing a tuxedo.


I swear to god I'm not even making that up.

/me laughs!

good going, peej :P so who caught you? an 8 yr old?
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Sativa on October 23, 2006, 04:39:46 pm
When I was getting a handjob from my girlfriend and then my mum walked in and said 'you guys shouldn't be under that blanket together' and started trying to pull it off.... Although I managed to get my pants up before she got the blankets off, It was amazing o.O
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Jack Lupino on October 23, 2006, 05:01:21 pm
haha, quick handling bro
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Outboundlight on October 23, 2006, 11:18:45 pm
No no, one of the staff.

I was at this formal (read: Prom for you americanns etc) and the after party was in this kids adventure play ground type thing.

(from their website: "Indiana Land is now open to over 12 year olds after 8pm every evening, 7 days a week.  Perfect for teen or adult parties, corporate events, after formals or team building excercises.  To find out more, please visit our Group or Company sections.")

Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Fallout on October 24, 2006, 03:45:27 am
"Indiana Land is now open to over 12 year olds after 8pm every evening, 7 days a week.  Perfect for teen sex in toilets or adult parties, corporate events, after formals or team building excercises.  To find out more, please visit our Group or Company sections."
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Фраеон on October 24, 2006, 03:47:05 am
I guess the worst sexual experience I've had was wanking to this thread.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Outboundlight on October 24, 2006, 03:49:55 am
I guess the worst sexual experience I've had was wanking to this thread.

Applauded!
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: harvey danger on October 24, 2006, 04:56:08 am
Fingering my ex-girlfriend under the blanket when my little sister walked in and started talking to her, then jumped on top of the blanket.

God, little siblings suck.


Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Ant on October 24, 2006, 05:09:47 am
I'm a little sibling

proved you wrong!!

oh wai-
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: cloudstrifex on October 24, 2006, 05:17:42 am
Well Lion sucks so I guess it all works out. :)
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Viherminttu on October 24, 2006, 09:44:59 am
but how well does he suck?
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Goshawk on October 24, 2006, 01:29:46 pm
Lol, awesome thread. xD My ages somewhat contributes to my lack of contribution though. :/
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: SpeedD on October 24, 2006, 01:54:18 pm
Lol, awesome thread. xD My ages somewhat contributes to my lack of contribution though. :/

Yeah 'N/A' is a shitty age, I remember being 'N/A'.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: H on October 24, 2006, 01:57:23 pm
I'd say having anyone walking in on you while you are pleasuring your mate/self is grounds for "bad sexual experience"

And to answer your question, both. :-X
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Fallout on October 24, 2006, 03:10:18 pm
I remember being 'N/A'.

..Wasnt that your gender?
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Ant on October 24, 2006, 03:55:42 pm
but how well does he suck?

i suck everything pretty well  :o
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: harvey danger on October 24, 2006, 04:55:17 pm
Does that include "at life"?
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Ant on October 24, 2006, 04:57:28 pm
No i don't go round begging people to hate me, then when they say they do go cry and hurl abuse at them


ohh maybe i hit a wrong note there
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: harvey danger on October 24, 2006, 05:00:29 pm
... was that English?
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Viherminttu on October 24, 2006, 05:02:18 pm
no it was Ninjaese
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Ant on October 24, 2006, 05:06:43 pm
no it was Ninjaese

Knows me too well :|
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: harvey danger on October 24, 2006, 05:11:57 pm
Or not well enough.

*Dun dun dun...*
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Ant on October 24, 2006, 05:17:21 pm
who keeps playing that music?
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Goshawk on October 24, 2006, 05:18:38 pm
Lol, awesome thread. xD My ages somewhat contributes to my lack of contribution though. :/

Yeah 'N/A' is a shitty age, I remember being 'N/A'.

Fixed. :X

And yes, it is a shitty age to be.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Viherminttu on October 24, 2006, 05:19:10 pm
oh dont mind that. its the little slave music fairies they keep behind the forums. they also have a dozen mages out the back summoning bread for everyone to eat
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Torp v2.0 on October 24, 2006, 05:19:42 pm
No i don't go round begging people to hate me, then when they say they do go cry and hurl abuse at them


ohh maybe i hit a wrong note there

That wasn't very nice of you.

Mr. McRyanpants is allowed his existensial crisis once in a while as well.

I mean, even greater demons of hell have existensial crises. Yesterday, one of them got into talks with some heretics, and they made him try to prove to them that he existed.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Ant on October 24, 2006, 05:20:03 pm
oh dont mind that. its the little slave music fairies they keep behind the forums. they also have a dozen mages out the back summoning bread for everyone to eat

I got my fill  ;D
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Viherminttu on October 24, 2006, 05:22:08 pm
need more moonwells..

oh wait. wrong game reference.. *adjusts her game*  not enough rage!
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Ant on October 24, 2006, 05:24:50 pm
need more moonwells..

oh wait. wrong game reference.. *adjusts her game*  not enough rage!

Hell no we DO need more moonwells...they can be where rape takes place etc.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: harvey danger on October 24, 2006, 05:26:41 pm
No i don't go round begging people to hate me, then when they say they do go cry and hurl abuse at them


ohh maybe i hit a wrong note there

That wasn't very nice of you.

Mr. McRyanpants is allowed his existensial crisis once in a while as well.

I mean, even greater demons of hell have existensial crises. Yesterday, one of them got into talks with some heretics, and they made him try to prove to them that he existed.

I have no idea where you're going with that.

Were they on Mars?

And I've learned to let immature criticisms roll off of me. r_r Being in an all-boys school does that to ya.

... teehee. Mr. McRyanpants.

/me titters
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Ant on October 24, 2006, 05:28:37 pm
All boys eh?

i'm not trying to get at anything i went to two in 6 years

God i hate school, teachers are flawed and i spent those 6 years making dick and fart jokes
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Torp v2.0 on October 24, 2006, 05:29:41 pm
No, they were in Hell. The 6th circle, I believe.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: harvey danger on October 24, 2006, 06:36:10 pm
All boys eh?

i'm not trying to get at anything i went to two in 6 years

God i hate school, teachers are flawed and i spent those 6 years making dick and fart jokes

It's not even the cool kind. We don't get blazers or anything. Just crappy polo shirts.

As for the teachers being flawed and whatnot, you're entirely right. I've had about three decent teachers in my four years here.

I reeeeeeally can't wait for college.

No, they were in Hell. The 6th circle, I believe.

Pah. That's the boring one. I want flying naked people!

Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Ant on October 24, 2006, 06:37:35 pm
I remember one of my teachers has a degree in engineering

1. why the fuck is he teaching A-Levels?
2. why??!
3. everyone but one kid in my class failed their maths a levels
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: harvey danger on October 24, 2006, 06:51:51 pm
We have a teacher with a doctorate in education, which is pretty much the easiest possible doctorate a person can get.

A terrible teacher teaching other teachers to be terrible...

(Alliteration <3)
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Irrationalist on October 24, 2006, 08:40:49 pm
We have a teacher with a doctorate in education, which is pretty much the easiest possible doctorate a person can get.

A terrible teacher teaching other teachers to be terrible...

(Alliteration <3)

Very funny.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Ant on October 24, 2006, 08:42:38 pm
actually i DID laugh, Harvey, education is flawed, it weens out the mediocre clever people and leaves the brilliant and the retarded out to dry
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Irrationalist on October 24, 2006, 08:43:30 pm
My worst was that time Dimmy and I................
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Asor on October 24, 2006, 08:48:00 pm
My worst was that time Dimmy and I................
Were nailing your nuts to the wall?
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Irrationalist on October 24, 2006, 08:49:43 pm
My worst was that time Dimmy and I................
Were nailing your nuts to the wall?

Damn, you heard teh story?
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Ant on October 24, 2006, 09:00:01 pm
My worst was that time Dimmy and I................
Were nailing your nuts to the wall?

Damn, you heard teh story?

everyone has, why do you think you're being smited?
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Irrationalist on October 24, 2006, 09:01:04 pm
My worst was that time Dimmy and I................
Were nailing your nuts to the wall?

Damn, you heard teh story?

Cause I'm am teh coolest!

everyone has, why do you think you're being smited?
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Ant on October 24, 2006, 09:02:42 pm
My worst was that time Dimmy and I................
Were nailing your nuts to the wall?

Damn, you heard teh story?

Cause I'm am teh coolest!

everyone has, why do you think you're being smited?

ninja edit??
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Irrationalist on October 24, 2006, 09:04:58 pm
My worst was that time Dimmy and I................
Were nailing your nuts to the wall?

Damn, you heard teh story?

Cause I'm am teh coolest!

everyone has, why do you think you're being smited?
Me scrwed up teh edit, woops.
ninja edit??
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Ant on October 24, 2006, 09:05:40 pm
and again...jesus
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Cerapter on October 24, 2006, 10:25:36 pm
Uni's awesome.

Quote from: LionNinja link=topic=4016.msg143151#BAED QUOT LOLmsg143151 date=1161712801
My worst was that time Dimmy and I......WHERE DO I WTRITE?..........
Were nailing your nuts to the I DONT GET ITwall?

Damn, you heard teh story?

Cause I'm am teh coolest!

everyone has, why do you think you're being smited?
[QUOET/)
Me scrwed up teh edit, woops.
ninja edit??
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Goshawk on October 25, 2006, 12:16:48 am
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: cloudstrifex on October 25, 2006, 12:21:49 am
Yes?
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Goshawk on October 25, 2006, 12:42:05 am
Go have sex with fallout since you want him so much. Now that would win the prize for the thread.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: cloudstrifex on October 25, 2006, 01:21:15 am
Nah I stopped that he said he was just using me for the secks. >:(
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Fallout on October 25, 2006, 04:15:27 am
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Why do I think of Darth Vader whenever someone types "NOOOOOOOOOOO" ?

http://starwarsnoooos.ytmnd.com/

..that's why.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Gravehill on October 25, 2006, 12:34:41 pm
Worst sexual experience ever?

Well... Once my wife's brother was visiting us. He needed something from shop so he leaved us together for a while. We were both quite horny at that time so instantly when door closed off to bed we went. We took off only mimimum amount of clothes since we thought that he were not going to be away long time. We also took blanket over us for further protection. There we were doing it like there's no tomorrow. It got hotter and hotter until my wife's glasses were getting more and more misty every minute. Finally she could not see anything and we both bursted out in laughter. Just after that her brother came back. Whole apartment smelled like sex and my wife's glasses were misty as we walked from bedroom, laughing. His face was worth to see...
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Viherminttu on October 25, 2006, 01:10:32 pm
come to think of it.. every sexual experience with my ex-fiance was a bad one. he got to the point where he didnt even kiss me. i dont know why. let alone have sex with me. o_O
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Lysix on October 25, 2006, 01:10:59 pm
Worst sexual experience ever was when we THOUGHT nobody was home and had sex in my bedroom, door wide open. Only to find my parents were downstairs. Doors also wide open. Not so much a bad experience, but a funny one at least. :P
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Viherminttu on October 25, 2006, 01:14:21 pm
its kinda bad when your mother tactfully tells you that screaming with ecstasy isnt really quiet when her door is less than a metre from yours...
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Lysix on October 25, 2006, 01:17:32 pm
I think the conversation was like

"So, did you have fun today?"
"..Err..yeah?"
"Lots of fun?"
"IM GOING UPSTAIRS NOW."
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Irrationalist on October 25, 2006, 08:29:43 pm
come to think of it.. every sexual experience with my ex-fiance was a bad one. he got to the point where he didnt even kiss me. i dont know why. let alone have sex with me. o_O

there are plenty of guys here willing to do your bidding........
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Ant on October 25, 2006, 08:35:35 pm
come to think of it.. every sexual experience with my ex-fiance was a bad one. he got to the point where he didnt even kiss me. i dont know why. let alone have sex with me. o_O

What a wanker, i still have to wait :<
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Irrationalist on October 25, 2006, 08:36:19 pm
come to think of it.. every sexual experience with my ex-fiance was a bad one. he got to the point where he didnt even kiss me. i dont know why. let alone have sex with me. o_O

What a wanker, i still have to wait :<

Exactly wat I was thinkin.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Kobi on October 25, 2006, 09:25:25 pm
Since virginity has never left me and probably never will I have no own experiences to share. But I have caused a few embarrasing moments for others hehe. Best one is in highschool at mediaclass. I was recordign a movie as a project and had the camera pointed towards the corridor. The shot with the people acting was done and then the comotion started as a friend puts a note under the bathroom door. "Was it good HAHA" or something like that. Appearently two people were screwing in there. Well they were cornerd and decided to wait for the crowd to disapear. Finally they decide to exit and I've never seen people run that fast. They thought the camera was rolling XD, I was just sitting there reworking my storyboard. Now three years later I talked to the guy and he wonderd if the movie existed. Hehe, three nerveous years for him LOL.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Ant on October 25, 2006, 09:26:42 pm
Since virginity has never left me and probably never will I have no own experiences to share. But I have caused a few embarrasing moments for others hehe. Best one is in highschool at mediaclass. I was recordign a movie as a project and had the camera pointed towards the corridor. The shot with the people acting was done and then the comotion started as a friend puts a note under the bathroom door. "Was it good HAHA" or something like that. Appearently two people were screwing in there. Well they were cornerd and decided to wait for the crowd to disapear. Finally they decide to exit and I've never seen people run that fast. They thought the camera was rolling XD, I was just sitting there reworking my storyboard. Now three years later I talked to the guy and he wonderd if the movie existed. Hehe, three nerveous years for him LOL.

Now THAT is torture :D:D
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Gravehill on October 26, 2006, 12:08:47 am
I once witnessed sex at workplace. Location was amusement park at Tampere. We (me & my wife and two other pairs) were visiting there and wanted to try every place there. We even tried planetarium. There we were, relaxed and watching stars. Deep, relaxing voice told us about marvels of universe. Then there was this breathing that went louder and louder. Excited, horny woman voice came somewhere from the direction of projectors... Going get hotter and hotter and we were all laughing for the soundtrack. It was pretty funny, I really did not know whether they even realized that their fucking from monitor-room was audible to the planetarium's side. However we had fun, I got my best laughs of that summer then. And from what you could tell about voice that woman was either hellowa actress or they had even more fun than we did :D
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Ant on October 26, 2006, 12:10:33 am
I once witnessed sex at workplace. Location was amusement park at Tampere. We (me & my wife and two other pairs) were visiting there and wanted to try every place there. We even tried planetarium. There we were, relaxed and watching stars. Deep, relaxing voice told us about marvels of universe. Then there was this breathing that went louder and louder. Excited, horny woman voice came somewhere from the direction of projectors... Going get hotter and hotter and we were all laughing for the soundtrack. It was pretty funny, I really did not know whether they even realized that their fucking from monitor-room was audible to the planetarium's side. However we had fun, I got my best laughs of that summer then. And from what you could tell about voice that woman was either hellowa actress or they had even more fun than we did :D

LMFAO

i think you deserve a whapping for that story


WHAP


WHAP
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: cloudstrifex on October 26, 2006, 12:13:57 am
No more whapping for you! I'm taking your whapping privileges away dammit!
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Gravehill on October 26, 2006, 12:37:03 am
No more whapping for you! I'm taking your whapping privileges away dammit!
Don't, pretty please? It feels so good! Try it. You get addicted to it...
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: cloudstrifex on October 26, 2006, 12:38:05 am
WHAP Wow youre' righ- WHAP WHAP














WHAPWHAPWHAPWHAPWHAPWHAPWHAP
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Gravehill on October 26, 2006, 01:11:28 am
Aaaahhh... This is going to be my best sexual experience ever... And admitting it my worst...
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: cloudstrifex on October 26, 2006, 01:13:28 am
Whapping is good you're right I guess it's my best too. :P WHAP!!!
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Ant on October 26, 2006, 01:17:38 am
Aaaahhh... This is going to be my best sexual experience ever... And admitting it my worst...

you know it baby!
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Lysix on October 26, 2006, 01:23:59 am
I scrolled down, the words that stood out were WHAPWHAPWHAP.
Should i read the entire posts? :S
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Ant on October 26, 2006, 01:24:54 am
i suggest so, it's me and GraveHill whapping eachother
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Lysix on October 26, 2006, 01:26:49 am
Dammit, go relive your sexual fantasies elsewhere!
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Ant on October 26, 2006, 01:29:15 am
But GraveHill whaps so good
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Gravehill on October 26, 2006, 01:34:18 am
WHAPWHAPWHAP...

There you go, good doze of good old WHAPping! Nothing beats it, not even squirrel!
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Ant on October 26, 2006, 01:34:43 am
WHAPWHAPWHAP...

There you go, good doze of good old WHAPping! Nothing beats it, not even squirrel!

Fuck i think i'm all dried up after that :o
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Gravehill on October 26, 2006, 01:40:01 am
<deep sexy voice>
No, dear. You can squeeze couple of drops more... I know you can. After all, you're big boy aren't you? Fighter, ninja, creature of night! Not a quitter! So fight for couple of drops more...
</deep sexy voice>

Damn I'm good at motivating! WHAP!
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Ant on October 26, 2006, 01:41:20 am
<deep sexy voice>
No, dear. You can squeeze couple of drops more... I know you can. After all, you're big boy aren't you? Fighter, ninja, creature of night! Not a quitter! So fight for couple of drops more...
</deep sexy voice>

Damn I'm good at motivating! WHAP!

[orgasm]OHHHH[/orgasm]

teach me how to do that :o
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Lysix on October 26, 2006, 01:44:53 am
Sweet mother of mary.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Ant on October 26, 2006, 01:46:02 am
Sweet mother of mary.

Was a whore
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: cloudstrifex on October 26, 2006, 01:48:08 am
WHAPWHAPWHAP...

There you go, good doze of good old WHAPping! Nothing beats it, not even squirrel!

Fuck i think i'm all dried up after that :o

NOOO you need to save for later dammit!
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Lysix on October 26, 2006, 01:48:35 am
Sweet mother of mary.

Was a whore

Who gave birth to an ugly son named
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Ant on October 26, 2006, 01:49:13 am
Sweet mother of mary.

Was a whore

Who gave birth to an ugly son named

Jesus, what was his name again?
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: cloudstrifex on October 26, 2006, 01:51:23 am
Gustov?
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Gravehill on October 26, 2006, 01:58:20 am
<deep sexy voice>
No, dear. You can squeeze couple of drops more... I know you can. After all, you're big boy aren't you? Fighter, ninja, creature of night! Not a quitter! So fight for couple of drops more...
</deep sexy voice>

Damn I'm good at motivating! WHAP!

[orgasm]OHHHH[/orgasm]

teach me how to do that :o
Only the ringfinger knows
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Ant on October 26, 2006, 02:00:52 am
<deep sexy voice>
No, dear. You can squeeze couple of drops more... I know you can. After all, you're big boy aren't you? Fighter, ninja, creature of night! Not a quitter! So fight for couple of drops more...
</deep sexy voice>

Damn I'm good at motivating! WHAP!

[orgasm]OHHHH[/orgasm]

teach me how to do that :o
Only the ringfinger knows

ROFL! *pld!

this is very true too :D
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: cloudstrifex on October 26, 2006, 02:08:35 am
<deep sexy voice>
No, dear. You can squeeze couple of drops more... I know you can. After all, you're big boy aren't you? Fighter, ninja, creature of night! Not a quitter! So fight for couple of drops more...
</deep sexy voice>

Damn I'm good at motivating! WHAP!

[orgasm]OHHHH[/orgasm]

teach me how to do that :o
Only the ringfinger knows

ROFL! *pld!

this is very true too :D

Ringfinger? I'd think it would be easier with the index/middle finger?
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Ant on October 26, 2006, 02:12:11 am
<deep sexy voice>
No, dear. You can squeeze couple of drops more... I know you can. After all, you're big boy aren't you? Fighter, ninja, creature of night! Not a quitter! So fight for couple of drops more...
</deep sexy voice>

Damn I'm good at motivating! WHAP!

[orgasm]OHHHH[/orgasm]

teach me how to do that :o
Only the ringfinger knows

ROFL! *pld!

this is very true too :D

Ringfinger? I'd think it would be easier with the index/middle finger?

Much to learn you have Padawan!
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: cloudstrifex on October 26, 2006, 02:14:07 am
<deep sexy voice>
No, dear. You can squeeze couple of drops more... I know you can. After all, you're big boy aren't you? Fighter, ninja, creature of night! Not a quitter! So fight for couple of drops more...
</deep sexy voice>

Damn I'm good at motivating! WHAP!

[orgasm]OHHHH[/orgasm]

teach me how to do that :o
Only the ringfinger knows

ROFL! *pld!

this is very true too :D

Ringfinger? I'd think it would be easier with the index/middle finger?

Much to learn you have Padawan!

Just to make sure we're on the same level we're talking about the finger next to your pinky right? That would seem hard to get in there I can hardly move it. :P
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Ant on October 26, 2006, 02:15:39 am
It is much to do with middle and index, but do you want to tire the best fingers so early on in the foreplay stages? you gotta wait 'till she's wet for them ;)
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: cloudstrifex on October 26, 2006, 02:23:47 am
Gotcha ;) Well unfortunatly I wouldn't know. I just don't really bother trying for a few reasons.

1: There's not too many girls worth going for in my school believe me
2: Even when I do try it usually blows up in my face

I guess I'll just have to keep waiting and hopefully the right relationship will come around. :-\
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Ant on October 26, 2006, 02:30:11 am
Gotcha ;) Well unfortunatly I wouldn't know. I just don't really bother trying for a few reasons.

1: There's not too many girls worth going for in my school believe me
2: Even when I do try it usually blows up in my face

I guess I'll just have to keep waiting and hopefully the right relationship will come around. :-\

Fuck school, it gets all fucked up when you go out with someone from same school, you gotta be round her the WHOLE day, imagine what that would be like? extend your roots dude, think outside the box
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: cloudstrifex on October 26, 2006, 02:31:40 am
Gotcha ;) Well unfortunatly I wouldn't know. I just don't really bother trying for a few reasons.

1: There's not too many girls worth going for in my school believe me
2: Even when I do try it usually blows up in my face

I guess I'll just have to keep waiting and hopefully the right relationship will come around. :-\

Fuck school, it gets all fucked up when you go out with someone from same school, you gotta be round her the WHOLE day, imagine what that would be like? extend your roots dude, think outside the box

While that is true, I don't normally talk to anyone outside of Johnstown on a regular basis. And the girls who don't go to school who live here would be way too old. :P
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Jack Lupino on October 26, 2006, 02:32:32 am
hahahah, yweah and imagine you fucked her like a million times, then break up you see her all hte goddamn time
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Ant on October 26, 2006, 02:32:51 am
Gotcha ;) Well unfortunatly I wouldn't know. I just don't really bother trying for a few reasons.

1: There's not too many girls worth going for in my school believe me
2: Even when I do try it usually blows up in my face

I guess I'll just have to keep waiting and hopefully the right relationship will come around. :-\

Fuck school, it gets all fucked up when you go out with someone from same school, you gotta be round her the WHOLE day, imagine what that would be like? extend your roots dude, think outside the box

While that is true, I don't normally talk to anyone outside of Johnstown on a regular basis. And the girls who don't go to school who live here would be way too old. :P

nothing wrong with a bit of experience under THEIR belt ;)
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: cloudstrifex on October 26, 2006, 02:33:24 am
Even when fucking isn't involved, it's still weird seeing an ex around school. :P
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Lysix on October 26, 2006, 02:33:41 am
2: Even when I do try it usually blows up in my face

lmao. double meanings ftw.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Ant on October 26, 2006, 02:34:32 am
2: Even when I do try it usually blows up in my face

lmao. double meanings ftw.

LOL! i didn't even see that one :< you have been playing this game for TOO long Lysix
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Jack Lupino on October 26, 2006, 02:35:03 am
lysix is such a kid ;)
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Lysix on October 26, 2006, 02:35:47 am
lysix is such a kid ;)


You loves it. ;)
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Ant on October 26, 2006, 02:35:55 am
lysix is such a kid ;)


that explains his exponential xp rate
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: cloudstrifex on October 26, 2006, 02:36:14 am
2: Even when I do try it usually blows up in my face

lmao. double meanings ftw.

LOL! i didn't even see that one :< you have been playing this game for TOO long Lysix

Wayyyyy too long :)
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Irrationalist on October 26, 2006, 06:56:08 am
2: Even when I do try it usually blows up in my face

lmao. double meanings ftw.

LOL! i didn't even see that one :< you have been playing this game for TOO long Lysix

lol
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Goshawk on October 26, 2006, 07:29:35 pm
hahahah, yweah and imagine you fucked her like a million times, then break up you see her all hte goddamn time


Heh. School relationships aren't fun. >_>
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Kobi on October 26, 2006, 07:55:18 pm
hahahah, yweah and imagine you fucked her like a million times, then break up you see her all hte goddamn time


Heh. School relationships aren't fun. >_>

Relationships? Its called hormones!
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Irrationalist on October 26, 2006, 08:07:04 pm
hahahah, yweah and imagine you fucked her like a million times, then break up you see her all hte goddamn time


Heh. School relationships aren't fun. >_>

The fuck they aren't!
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Sativa on October 27, 2006, 04:59:47 pm
hahahah, yweah and imagine you fucked her like a million times, then break up you see her all hte goddamn time


Heh. School relationships aren't fun. >_>

The fuck they aren't!

Nothing like a handy out the back of the field at interval.....Although I wish that it wasn't raining that day....
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Goshawk on October 27, 2006, 08:15:46 pm
hahahah, yweah and imagine you fucked her like a million times, then break up you see her all hte goddamn time


Heh. School relationships aren't fun. >_>

Relationships? Its called hormones!

Lol. Classic. Heh.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Irrationalist on October 27, 2006, 08:31:44 pm
Lol, its not always true, I  would call it "First Lust, then second, third........"
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Jack Lupino on May 03, 2008, 09:38:04 pm
SUPER Resurrection!

Has anyone something new to add? New experiences and all that jazz?

Prworor.

Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Annie on May 03, 2008, 10:31:37 pm
Oh GOD reading this thread that I never knew existed was fun.

UH.. Keeping with people's privacy, I can't share any of mine. But I made it awkward for someone else once. Well, actually, it was awkward for me, too.

So, yeah. Watching a movie at a friend's house, but randomly(after a text message), she leaves the living room and goes into her bedroom. I go in there after 15 minutes and she's having sex with her boyfriend(who snuck into her house through her window so they could do the nasty), and video taping it. ;D

I was just kind of like.. Wow. So I walked out, and then she came out and sat on the opposite couch of me, and her boyfriend came out and he sat next to her, covered himself and her in a blanket and continued watching the movie.

I find out the next day that he got off on me walking in, because he likes doing it in public places, and when they came back out, he was fingering her under that blanket. Awesome. And he insisted that I watch the parts of the video that I missed during school hours. Man, I sure miss that kid! /sarcasm
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: MDX on May 03, 2008, 11:00:17 pm
yum... O_O
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Jack Lupino on May 03, 2008, 11:47:16 pm
That kid is my hero :]
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Laser.T on May 04, 2008, 12:05:06 am
I must've avoided this one two years ago, but now, fuck it, here's my worst experience story.

Had my girlfriend tied to the bed, arms to the headboard, naked and gagged - my fingers and mouth are doing their master-work. Suddenly, there's a knock at my bedroom door and my dad says, "Can I come in? I've got something I want to show you."
Now the duvet is on the floor and I could've reached for it but I figured that calling "No. Don't come in!" would be sufficient to stopping him entering.

But he must've misheard me and in one of those slow-motion moments we watched as the door handle is turned and then opens. I'm screaming, "Don't come in! Don't come in!" My girlfriend has managed to spit the gag out and is screaming the same thing. But alas the ignorant fucker stepped in and got a full view of my naked girlfriend. I cross the room in a split-second and shove him out, slamming the door behind him.

After I had untied my gf, she breaks down into tears and after calming her down, we sneak from the house and take her home - I didn't speak to my dad for a good week or two and we never spoke of the event ever again.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Gravehill on May 04, 2008, 01:33:33 am
LOL@laser's interrupted session :D I have to make mental note to myself that we DO want more lockable doors at our home :)

Anyway... I'm not sure if this is "worst sexual experience ever" but it's very strange nonetheless. As some of you might know I do like sex very much and I like doing things solo as well. For that purpose I bought one of those so called artificial pocket size venuses (some ten years ago or so). It was really bad. It started to break and rip apart right after first time and well... It just did not feel good. I tried it couple of times until I stored it away not wanting to use it anymore. Five years passed. I read from certain forum that some people actually like them and that there's huge differences amongst them. So I figured that I invest more money and buy better one. This happened some two years ago. Anyway, I tried it but it happened to be major disappointment as well. It started to break and rip apart right from the start. And it did not feel good either. After couple of times trying it I was sure that these things just ain't my thing so I stored that one away as well to the very same plastic bag as the other one. Last week I decided to check them out because I thought that I ought to dispose them or something.

I opened the plastic bag and found out that both of them had melted partially and they were quite wet. Seriously... It looked really absurd... Like Salvador Dali has remade Persistence of Memory but instead using clocks he had used artificial vaginas. I really don't know what the hell strange and weird things happened in my closet and in that plastic bag. Well... Such is life. Full of surpises and melting plastic genitals.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Laser.T on May 04, 2008, 01:45:16 am
I love the image of melted plastic vaginas ;D. Pix?
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Smeagol on May 04, 2008, 02:08:33 am
I love the image of melted plastic vaginas

Sounds like I might finally get a decent avatar.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: daYak on May 04, 2008, 04:35:23 am
Worst sex experience ... I was horny as hell and the guy couldn't stand up. He said he was nervous etc. Whatever.

Dissapointment ....
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: dezo on May 04, 2008, 04:40:38 am
I was really young and the father of my current (gf?) came rushing in and said "your grandpa just died, uhm mebbe you should show that you care".
zomg, a bit fsked. (I was working one stair up at that time.) I had a pretty hard time at the dinner table that night.  ;D
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Viherminttu on May 04, 2008, 05:49:27 am
Oh my god. I forgot I ever created this thread.

Well just over a year ago now, my (now ex) friend Misty was getting kinky with another guy, Narc, and her boyfriend kicked them out of the bed they shared (don't ask. it's all fucked up). So they end up in my room, on my bed, while I'm browsing the net trying not to listen.

In the end I had the share the bed with them that night, and my god 3 people do not fit in double beds. :(
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: L'homme magique on May 04, 2008, 08:15:15 am
ive never had one ololo
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Kobi on May 04, 2008, 04:34:04 pm
Since last time I read/wrote in this thread nothing much has happened to me except loosing my virginity. Not very awkward at all really and since I lived alone not much emarrasing things can happen ::) Oh, and I swing both ways know but I guess some had that suspission 8) Only embarrasing thing I know is that girls are way more picky and selective then guys are, wich can get you into embarrasing moments.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Torp v2.0 on May 04, 2008, 07:40:47 pm
Worst sex experience ... I was horny as hell and the guy couldn't stand up. He said he was nervous etc. Whatever.

Dissapointment ....

Honestly, I think the guy had a worse time than you. Erectile dysfunction is not a fun experience.

I suppose, if he wasn't a virgin, you should feel flattered, in a way. I mean, if he was nervous, I'd say he must have cared for you more than just for sex. You're not nervous unless you have a reason for it (or a mental condition, obviously).

Maybe he could have offered you some tongue action after you'd comforted him a tad bit, though. And maybe that would even have eased his tension.

And Kobi: Don't let the pickyness of girls (aka getting turned down, I suppose) embarass you. Embarassing moments only happen if you let them happen, and getting rejected as you try to go in for the kiss or whatever shouldn't affect you much. I mean, unless you've fucked up and fallen in love without actually knowing if there's mutual interest.

Even then, the prescribed Torp-medicine is to shrug it off, maybe have a good glass of whisky (or your social lubricant of choice) while pouring your heart out to some random friend who lives on the other side of the room/town/country/continent/world/solar system (scratch what doesn't fit*). The weight off your heart from talking about it usually helps a lot.

*My preferred choice of non-scratch is "world", but that's because I have someone I have a pretty open relationship to over the pond, and who would have a hard time** actually using any information against me, and whom I therefore trust.

**Well, technically, with the net, it would be easy. But there would be no gain other than fucking me up, and I trust this person not to be a huge cunt.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Carstuar on May 04, 2008, 11:36:35 pm
Mine is so embarrassing that I don't think I can talk about it here :D
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Irrationalist on May 05, 2008, 10:41:52 am
I can think of my funnies. I fucked my ex-girlfirend off the bed into a lil crevice at the end and she was stuck on her head legs in the air screaming. All.... all I could do was laugh.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: MDX on May 05, 2008, 01:55:21 pm
How romantic, didn't you leave the forums? Didn't i ask this before? I don't knows.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Irrationalist on May 05, 2008, 08:05:19 pm
Eh Im more or less lurking. Its finals week so i have a bit of time to do stuff like lurk heavier or play gta 4
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Gravehill on May 05, 2008, 08:11:05 pm
Eh Im more or less lurking. Its finals week so i have a bit of time to do stuff like lurk heavier or play gta 4
Heheee... Spirits are already kicking in. First I read this without realizing it's connection to the previous post and thought "wow, that must be worst sexual experience ever" and after I realized that it was REPLY to previous post I felt so "OMG I'm so stupid and drunk" and laughed my ass off and now it's running somewhere in this apartment and I got to chase my own ass just to bolt it down again (for some curious reason I thought that "bolt it down again" in the melody of "break it down again" by whatchaitwasagain... TEARS FOR FEARS YEAH! Oooh my GOD this is going to be one hellowa long night...
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Bocom on May 05, 2008, 09:17:03 pm
Worst? Having none. 'Nuff said. :(

And Torp, I did fuck up: I fell in love WHILST KNOWING it's not mutual. To this date, I am STILL in love with her and it's STILL not mutual. Fuck up. Epic one.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: CrunchyLizard on May 05, 2008, 11:21:25 pm
Worst? Having none. 'Nuff said. :(

And Torp, I did fuck up: I fell in love WHILST KNOWING it's not mutual. To this date, I am STILL in love with her and it's STILL not mutual. Fuck up. Epic one.

I never found a reason to reply to this thread, but now that Bocom's said exactly what I should be saying if I replied, I thought I should do so :>
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Von on May 06, 2008, 04:14:12 am
- Removed -
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Smeagol on May 06, 2008, 11:12:12 pm
Quick, Von, post it again so I can see it this time.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: MDX on May 06, 2008, 11:12:48 pm
Sick bastard. keep it clean!
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Smeagol on May 06, 2008, 11:14:23 pm
I SAID you lot were fascists. Now I have proof.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Torp v2.0 on May 06, 2008, 11:16:19 pm
Yes, we're fascists. Aren't you?

Back on topic, guys. Tell me your funny-bad sexual encounters. My tired mind needs more funny!
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Cerapter on May 07, 2008, 12:15:58 am
Well, once when I was really depressed, I had a wank that gave me no pleasure whatsoever.

Worst? Having none. 'Nuff said. :(

And Torp, I did fuck up: I fell in love WHILST KNOWING it's not mutual. To this date, I am STILL in love with her and it's STILL not mutual. Fuck up. Epic one.

Protip: first, become so fucked up by this anti-symmetri that you lose your mental stability. Then let your love/lust (meditate on which is really is, I dare you) for the girl turn to bitterness and anger, leading you to become an irritating bastard she just wants to get rid of, especially because the frustration and agony has stripped you of all of your positive characteristics. Ignore this and keep on insisting to her that things can work out, that you'll be good friends in the end, while at the same time telling her how fucked up the situation has made you, until she just straight-forward tells you to leave her alone. Become raging mad and never talk to her again. Then you can you get over her.

Proprotip: find a better way, just with the same last sentence.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Laser.T on May 07, 2008, 12:17:35 am
Or stalk her.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Smeagol on May 07, 2008, 12:22:22 am
Well, once when I was really depressed, I had a wank that gave me no pleasure whatsoever.

Worst? Having none. 'Nuff said. :(

And Torp, I did fuck up: I fell in love WHILST KNOWING it's not mutual. To this date, I am STILL in love with her and it's STILL not mutual. Fuck up. Epic one.

Protip: first, become so fucked up by this anti-symmetri that you lose your mental stability. Then let your love/lust (meditate on which is really is, I dare you) for the girl turn to bitterness and anger, leading you to become an irritating bastard she just wants to get rid of, especially because the frustration and agony has stripped you of all of your positive characteristics. Ignore this and keep on insisting to her that things can work out, that you'll be good friends in the end, while at the same time telling her how fucked up the situation has made you, until she just straight-forward tells you to leave her alone. Become raging mad and never talk to her again. Then you can you get over her.

Proprotip: find a better way, just with the same last sentence.

I find becoming a snarky bastard to the unrequited lover works wonders. Plus it hones basic verbal insulting skills. Everyone wins.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Torp v2.0 on May 07, 2008, 12:43:32 am
Didn't I just give you the Torp-way? It works, believe me.

On me, that is. Oh, I did forget step 2, so to recount.

Step 1: Fall in love with a girl you don't know whether fancies you or not.
(Step 1.5: Do a lot of stupid things to try to learn whether she does, none of them commital)
Step 2: Find out for sure. Reccomended ways would be trying to kiss her after a night of some sort of fun. Another would be to be asked by her "There's this guy at school I like. Should I ask him out?" and reply by "I believe you should seize your opportunities, and for that reason I'm going to ask you out."
(Step X: You found that she does in fact like you? Disregard the rest of this guide. There's no need for it. Yet. But if she decides to dump you, steps 3 and up should work for the resulting broken heart as well)
Step 3: Be very sad.
Step 4: Vow to shrug off the pain and get on with your life.
Step 5: Find a friend you trust and dare to share your intimate thoughts with. Pour yourself a whisky and pour out your heart to him or her.
Step 6: Do it.

Works for me. Step 4 and 5 are the crucial steps. You need to conciously decide that you don't want this pain, and that it's pointless to go on like this, etc, etc, and then you have to get rid of the pain.

Obviously, you also need to do Step 6, but it's hard to do if you haven't done 1-5 first.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: PrescriptiveBarony on May 08, 2008, 10:24:50 am
By "do it" do you mean "Do it with the friend you just bonded with by sharing your innermost angsts, slathering pity-juices all over the couch in the best/worst/best again friendship-jarring sex"?
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Torp v2.0 on May 08, 2008, 03:16:13 pm
I think the "it" was referring to "get over her", but your way probably works pretty well as well, assuming you have physical proximity to the friend you poured your heart out to, and that the friend in question is of a configuration you find sexually pleasing.

Gets your mind off of it for a time, at least.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: tetsuo2040 on May 09, 2008, 12:31:17 pm
Was in the bedroom with her doing it, went downstairs to get a glass of water and came back up only to find her with another guy.

Then we Eiffel Towered her.

Funny how your worst sexual experience can suddenly turn into your best sexual experience.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Afterburn on May 09, 2008, 02:57:12 pm
Was in the car once doing the act and I don't know how it happened, but the car came out of park and we rolled down a hill, she elbowed me in the face from panic and I rushed to put the car back in park with a bloody nose. We continued right after I drove around for a bit to find a more suitable, less hill-like scene.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Torp v2.0 on May 09, 2008, 05:56:12 pm
Tetsuo: I'm sorry for not knowing your weird expressions, and I'm sure I can imagine what you did, but could you please tell me exactly what an "Eiffel Towering" is?
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Carstuar on May 09, 2008, 07:05:58 pm
Tetsuo: I'm sorry for not knowing your weird expressions, and I'm sure I can imagine what you did, but could you please tell me exactly what an "Eiffel Towering" is?

I can totally picture that. I wouldn't do it, though. That would be too weird, and I'd totally kill that other guy.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Laser.T on May 09, 2008, 07:08:19 pm
Was in the bedroom with her doing it, went downstairs to get a glass of water and came back up only to find her with another guy.

Then we Eiffel Towered her.

Funny how your worst sexual experience can suddenly turn into your best sexual experience.

And then you woke up, amirite?
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: ~futilite~ on May 10, 2008, 09:23:36 pm
For this story, I am still wondering how there could be suddenly another guy coming into the house o_O
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Annie on May 10, 2008, 10:34:44 pm
A window!

Okay new update: Parents walking on on your when you're orgasming. ;D
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Lexx on May 10, 2008, 11:01:02 pm
Was in the bedroom with her doing it, went downstairs to get a glass of water and came back up only to find her with another guy.

Then we Eiffel Towered her.

Funny how your worst sexual experience can suddenly turn into your best sexual experience.

[citation needed]
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: tetsuo2040 on May 11, 2008, 12:42:11 am
I can totally picture that. I wouldn't do it, though. That would be too weird, and I'd totally kill that other guy.

But the high five is totally worth it, amirite?

And then you woke up, amirite?

..Why would I dream of another guy? Lol.


But yes, you have called my bluff. The story never really happened.



I just wanted to be involved. =(
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Lysix on May 11, 2008, 12:43:44 am
..Why would I dream of another guy? Lol.

he never said you did..is there anything you'd like to tell us?  :police:
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: tetsuo2040 on May 11, 2008, 12:48:33 am
..Why would I dream of another guy? Lol.

he never said you did..is there anything you'd like to tell us?  :police:

Yes...


I stole the cookie from the cookie jar!
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: harvey danger on May 11, 2008, 10:29:40 am
..Why would I dream of another guy? Lol.

he never said you did..is there anything you'd like to tell us?  :police:

Yes...


I stole the cookie from the cookie jar!

Is that what they call taking someone's virginity nowadays?
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Torp v2.0 on May 11, 2008, 03:53:40 pm
The guy's cookie jar?
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: tetsuo2040 on May 11, 2008, 09:25:04 pm
..Why would I dream of another guy? Lol.

he never said you did..is there anything you'd like to tell us?  :police:

Yes...


I stole the cookie from the cookie jar!

Is that what they call taking someone's virginity nowadays?

Damn straight. You need to keep up with the latest street slang, yo.

Fo' sheezy off da heezy, cousin.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Jack Lupino on May 11, 2008, 10:41:47 pm
But i still don't know what 'eiffel towering' means.. =[
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: tetsuo2040 on May 11, 2008, 10:45:08 pm
But i still don't know what 'eiffel towering' means.. =[

Quote from: Urban Dictionary
A threesome, with two guys and one girl, when one guy is hitting it from the back and another guy is hitting it from the front. The guys then slap hands at the top resembling the eiffel tower.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Annie on May 11, 2008, 10:46:56 pm
Haha, you held hands with another guy.

Queer.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Jack Lupino on May 12, 2008, 01:47:19 am
Haha, you held hands with another guy.

Queer.

Lmao +1
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Lysix on May 12, 2008, 02:02:33 am
Haha, you held hands with another guy.

Queer.


best thing you've ever said.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: tetsuo2040 on May 12, 2008, 02:46:26 am
Haha, you held hands with another guy.

Queer.


What's your point?
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Smeagol on May 12, 2008, 11:38:28 pm
Her point is that you're as gay as Sirix.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Torp v2.0 on May 13, 2008, 12:47:19 am
Nah. I think he's only bi, actually.

Not Sirix, Tetsuo.

There was a girl involved in his dream, so he must be bi. Or at least bicurious, though I don't know from which side.

Which is nice for him, and not something you and Annie should bother him about!

Bad Annie, Bad Fiindil.

I will have to punish you both now. Go over in the corner while I find the whip.

;D
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Lysix on May 13, 2008, 01:15:01 am
hey guys, play nice  :police:
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Torp v2.0 on May 13, 2008, 02:46:40 am
I am playing nice. I could be a lot more nasty if I wanted to.

Further, I assume that tetsuo will say so if he feels we're stepping over the line. So, tetsuo, if we're stepping over the line, tell us. It's all meant as fun, and it no longer is if you actually get hurt (as opposed to merely embarrased or defensive).

Also, thanks, Lysix. With the smiley you used and my use of punishment on Annie and Fiindil in my post, my brain decided to go haywire, link this in a weird manner and show me mental images of manly police strippers, well, stripping.

It wasn't as pleasant a sight as Annie might think it was.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: pefuskat on May 13, 2008, 06:36:16 am
Haha, you held hands with another guy.

Queer.



it's only gay if balls are touching
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Lysix on May 13, 2008, 03:49:11 pm
it's only gay if balls are touching

is that what you say to yourself? :P
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Drakonis on May 13, 2008, 06:59:42 pm
LOL, I'm still a virgin but I know I'll last longer than 3mins ;D , thats fucking funny. Not all Americans have such problems, however Draconis might......

Wait, I never saw this. I don't read random hardly ever.

I sir, do not have any such problem. Drakonis knows what the ladies like.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: harvey danger on May 13, 2008, 07:50:56 pm
Mine have only gotten better, for the most part. ;D

I did manage to walk in on my roommate, though. Went down the hall for a drink in my friend's room and came back fifteen minutes later, they had apparently snuck in and got right to business. :-X
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Cerapter on May 13, 2008, 08:18:55 pm
Anything new since last time? Well, I'm more than halfway to being a 40 year old virgin, now.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Torp v2.0 on May 13, 2008, 11:31:17 pm
But only about 1/5 of the part of your life were you should actually be allowed to have sex. I mean, you're not supposed to be having sex for the first 10-15 years of your life anyway, so...
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Aphex on May 13, 2008, 11:39:27 pm
why not ;((((
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Irrationalist on May 13, 2008, 11:45:31 pm
LOL, I'm still a virgin but I know I'll last longer than 3mins ;D , thats fucking funny. Not all Americans have such problems, however Draconis might......

Wait, I never saw this. I don't read random hardly ever.

I sir, do not have any such problem. Drakonis knows what the ladies like.

That is an ancient quote. Im no longer a virgin and have lasted over an hr on multiple occassions. So in foresight I was entirely correct.

Drak I also now what the ladies like, ladies like superior firepower ; )
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Jack Lupino on May 14, 2008, 12:05:51 am
Once i was so drunk i fell asleep during sex.. hehe
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Annie on May 14, 2008, 12:09:39 am
LOL, I'm still a virgin but I know I'll last longer than 3mins ;D , thats fucking funny. Not all Americans have such problems, however Draconis might......

Wait, I never saw this. I don't read random hardly ever.

I sir, do not have any such problem. Drakonis knows what the ladies like.

That is an ancient quote. Im no longer a virgin and have lasted over an hr on multiple occassions. So in foresight I was entirely correct.

Man, that chick must've been as unattractive as Fiindil's taint.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Lysix on May 14, 2008, 12:29:21 am
Im no longer a virgin and have lasted over an hr on multiple occassions. So in foresight I was entirely correct.

an hour? christ, what exactly do you do? TELL US ALL YOUR DIRTY SECRETS.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: evilcandybag on May 14, 2008, 12:44:28 am
Im no longer a virgin and have lasted over an hr on multiple occassions. So in foresight I was entirely correct.

an hour? christ, what exactly do you do? TELL US ALL YOUR DIRTY SECRETS.

Nothing.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Smeagol on May 14, 2008, 12:52:12 am
Man, that chick must've been as unattractive as Fiindil's taint.

My musk is a manly one.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Lexx on May 14, 2008, 01:12:29 am
An hour's easy. The trick is to find a girl that doesn't get sore so quickly.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: MDX on May 14, 2008, 03:31:47 am
Im no longer a virgin and have lasted over an hr on multiple occassions. So in foresight I was entirely correct.

an hour? christ, what exactly do you do? TELL US ALL YOUR DIRTY SECRETS.

Nothing.

Foreplay.

or he just can't find the hole. Poor kid.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: harvey danger on May 14, 2008, 10:41:16 am
Im no longer a virgin and have lasted over an hr on multiple occassions. So in foresight I was entirely correct.

an hour? christ, what exactly do you do? TELL US ALL YOUR DIRTY SECRETS.

Nothing.

He could be wearing a condom?

Wait, same thing. :(
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Drakonis on May 14, 2008, 08:16:31 pm
An hour is certainly an impressive digit, but if the girl hasn't got what she needs by the time an hour is up two things are going to happen...

She's gunna get bored. And she's gunna be limping around for two days like she just spent all day horse back riding. You need ten minutes and some mad skills with your tongue, I think she'd dig that more. ;)


Also... Jack Lupino... That is.... awesome. :P
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Jack Lupino on May 14, 2008, 08:31:10 pm
Haha. she didn't think so.
:]
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Lexx on May 14, 2008, 09:58:16 pm
but if the girl hasn't got what she needs by the time an hour is up two things are going to happen...

Who says you should stop when she gets "what she needs"? :P It is possible to orgasm more than once!
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Carstuar on May 15, 2008, 03:03:45 pm
Mine is so embarrassing that I don't think I can talk about it here :D

Okay, here goes!

My frenulum (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frenulum) was torn one of the first times I had sex without a condom (because she was on birth control pills and neither of us had been in a sexual relationship before).
I was bleeding all over the place. Freaking out, my girlfriend found me an apron to hide the blood, and I went to the emergency room to get it patched up. I was so scared. After that I've been extremely careful :O.
I laugh about it now, though.
Title: WOOOOOOOOOO! accidentally deleted the subject here.
Post by: MDX on May 15, 2008, 03:22:43 pm
Had that happen to a friend, while we were both in the same apartment, i was woke up at 3am by screams, girlish screams, from him, the wuss! Though in fairness i woulda shit myself, but rather than helping him i just laughed. So hard, that he started laughing too. Im infectious.
Title: Re: WOOOOOOOOOO! accidentally deleted the subject here.
Post by: evilcandybag on May 15, 2008, 05:42:48 pm
Im infectious.

And awfully evil.
Title: Re: WOOOOOOOOOO! accidentally deleted the subject here.
Post by: Cerapter on May 15, 2008, 07:31:40 pm
Im infectious.

And awfully evil.

I care to disagree. As the guy started laughing, he probably stopped panicking.
Title: This thread sucks
Post by: Jack Lupino on May 15, 2008, 07:36:43 pm
That subject decieves anybody!

Cool.
Title: Photos of me naked. Wanna see?
Post by: Lysix on May 15, 2008, 07:55:30 pm
 :police:
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Jack Lupino on May 15, 2008, 08:40:23 pm
Ahaha. I clicked it >_<
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: tetsuo2040 on May 16, 2008, 01:41:18 am
Nah. I think he's only bi, actually.

Not Sirix, Tetsuo.

There was a girl involved in his dream, so he must be bi. Or at least bicurious, though I don't know from which side.

Which is nice for him, and not something you and Annie should bother him about!


Heh.

I'm not bi, I'm straight.

Not that I have anything against bi/gay people.

Also, sorry for quoting a post from two pages ago. I've been away and just thought I'd clarify things.

But you guys are probably past caring.  ;)
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Lysix on May 16, 2008, 01:52:58 am
But you guys are probably past caring.  ;)

i'm not sure anyone ever did [:
we love you no matter what!
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Annie on May 16, 2008, 02:24:15 am
But you guys are probably past caring.  ;)

i'm not sure anyone ever did [:
we love you no matter what!

Yeah pretty much. I just did it for the karma!! but seriously, just a joke. Sorry if I offended.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: tetsuo2040 on May 16, 2008, 02:47:39 am
But you guys are probably past caring.  ;)

i'm not sure anyone ever did [:
we love you no matter what!

Yeah pretty much. I just did it for the karma!! but seriously, just a joke. Sorry if I offended.

Haha, I know it's all good-natured. It doesn't bother me at all. I'd hate to be the guy to ruin all this.

Onto more pressing issues.

Does getting a CD stuck on your finger count as a sexual experience?
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Lysix on May 16, 2008, 03:17:03 am
i reckon it depends on how you reacted to the penetration.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Annie on May 16, 2008, 03:33:06 am
I fucking hate how sex is in almost every non-Disney movie.

Ugh.

Random, I know!!!
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Irrationalist on May 16, 2008, 04:12:20 am
i reckon it depends on how you reacted to the penetration.

lol. He has very sensitive fingers.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: L'homme magique on May 16, 2008, 05:40:28 am
Quote
I fucking hate how sex is in almost every non-Disney movie.
News to me.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: harvey danger on May 16, 2008, 07:23:18 am
Quote
I fucking hate how sex is in almost every non-Disney movie.
News to me.

Yeah, what movies are you watching?
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Carstuar on May 16, 2008, 03:02:19 pm
I fucking hate how sex is in almost every non-Disney movie.

Ugh.

Random, I know!!!


Agreed! I hate sex in movies (except porn).
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Lysix on May 16, 2008, 03:06:02 pm
Quote
I fucking hate how sex is in almost every non-Disney movie.
News to me.

I thought all you watched was anime.
How dare you ruin my generic expectations based upon your avatar! How dare you!
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Jack Lupino on May 16, 2008, 04:11:01 pm
I hate how there is no sex in every disney movie. =[

Atleast not the ones you get in the back of a videostore..
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Annie on May 16, 2008, 05:06:16 pm
Quote
I fucking hate how sex is in almost every non-Disney movie.
News to me.

Yeah, what movies are you watching?

It seems almost every movie I watch nowadays has a sex scene, or an interrupted sex scene or something to that effect. Like, even if horror movies. I just watched House Of Wax last night, LOL SEX. I think it's pretty disgusting and always makes me feel uncomfortable. Maybe because I'm so insecure, or maybe because it's just so fucking unnecessary.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Jack Lupino on May 16, 2008, 05:53:57 pm
Er. Sex is necessary. :]

It just comes down to this, sex sells and as long as it does they are gonna put it in about everything they can.

I mean if you're watching a commercial of magnum icecream, i can guarantee you that there will be something sexual in there.

So deal with it?
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Annie on May 16, 2008, 06:46:56 pm
I DO deal with it. I know this world runs on sex and money, I'm not stupid. And I AM dealing with it, but I think I'm allowed to complain about it every once in a while, too.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: tetsuo2040 on May 16, 2008, 07:25:05 pm
I DO deal with it. I know this world runs on sex and money, I'm not stupid. And I AM dealing with it, but I think I'm allowed to complain about it every once in a while, too.

This world runs on treadmills.

Everyone knows that.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Jack Lupino on May 16, 2008, 07:52:02 pm
I DO deal with it. I know this world runs on sex and money, I'm not stupid. And I AM dealing with it, but I think I'm allowed to complain about it every once in a while, too.
Whoa whoa, easy tiger, i didn't mean to offend you :]
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Annie on May 16, 2008, 07:57:41 pm
This world runs on treadmills.
Everyone knows that.
I lol'd.
Whoa whoa, easy tiger, i didn't mean to offend you :]
I didn't mean to snap! Sorry! I just don't like watching people have sex, haha. I'd rather be doing it myself, yo.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Ant on May 16, 2008, 08:22:53 pm
I hate how there is no sex in every disney movie. =[

Atleast not the ones you get in the back of a videostore..

Apparently in the Little Mermaid the dude with the trident has a boner.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: L'homme magique on May 16, 2008, 09:38:42 pm
Quote
I thought all you watched was anime.
How dare you ruin my generic expectations based upon your avatar! How dare you!
To be fair anime is a pretty large chunk of what I watch, followed by Asian movies, then American movies, then movies from other countries, then House MD.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: harvey danger on May 16, 2008, 10:41:40 pm
Quote
I fucking hate how sex is in almost every non-Disney movie.
News to me.

Yeah, what movies are you watching?

It seems almost every movie I watch nowadays has a sex scene, or an interrupted sex scene or something to that effect. Like, even if horror movies. I just watched House Of Wax last night, LOL SEX. I think it's pretty disgusting and always makes me feel uncomfortable. Maybe because I'm so insecure, or maybe because it's just so fucking unnecessary.

1.) Death and sex are usually paired together. It's somewhat of a human obsession.

2.) Of course fucking House of Wax is going to have sex, Paris Hilton is in it. Besides, every teen horror movie in the past decade has had sex in it somewhere. If you watch the good horror movies you should be okay.


3.) Stop watching whatever you're watching. :P It's usually easy to tell what movie's gonna have sex in it and what won't.


To not throw things off too much, I have an experience to add: sleeping nekkid, and then being woken up by a parent in the morning after friction has done its work. :-X
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Carstuar on May 17, 2008, 04:39:55 pm
In Alice in Wonderland the naughty pussy tries to catch a glimpse of Alice's pussy.

(http://img241.imageshack.us/img241/6228/dirtycatcv1.jpg)

Youtube vid here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3LdwGUXoXyA
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Jack Lupino on May 17, 2008, 06:24:06 pm
LMAO, epic find!
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Spectrums on May 18, 2008, 03:50:20 am
ROFL.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Viherminttu on May 19, 2008, 10:21:48 am
Quote
I fucking hate how sex is in almost every non-Disney movie.
News to me.

Yeah, what movies are you watching?

It seems almost every movie I watch nowadays has a sex scene, or an interrupted sex scene or something to that effect. Like, even if horror movies. I just watched House Of Wax last night, LOL SEX. I think it's pretty disgusting and always makes me feel uncomfortable. Maybe because I'm so insecure, or maybe because it's just so fucking unnecessary.

I agree. Sex scenes in movies just make me uncomfortable. Must be a girl thing, since all the boys are being all defensive about it ;)
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Laser.T on May 19, 2008, 10:36:34 am
Quote
I fucking hate how sex is in almost every non-Disney movie.
News to me.

Yeah, what movies are you watching?

It seems almost every movie I watch nowadays has a sex scene, or an interrupted sex scene or something to that effect. Like, even if horror movies. I just watched House Of Wax last night, LOL SEX. I think it's pretty disgusting and always makes me feel uncomfortable. Maybe because I'm so insecure, or maybe because it's just so fucking unnecessary.

I agree. Sex scenes in movies just make me uncomfortable. Must be a girl thing, since all the boys are being all defensive about it ;)

Not really. When I watch porn, I expect sex scenes, obviously. But I actually really hate half-arsed sex scenes in 'normal' movies. Not that I would mind a full blown sex scene. It's the way they do it by hinting: ruffled covers, just the top-half of the couple being shown, or maybe just a shot of the guy's ugly butt going up and down. If they're not gonna show the scene proper;y, then just leave the fucking thing out of it and just have the characters wake up and get on with things.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Carstuar on May 19, 2008, 12:49:42 pm
Quote
I fucking hate how sex is in almost every non-Disney movie.
News to me.

Yeah, what movies are you watching?

It seems almost every movie I watch nowadays has a sex scene, or an interrupted sex scene or something to that effect. Like, even if horror movies. I just watched House Of Wax last night, LOL SEX. I think it's pretty disgusting and always makes me feel uncomfortable. Maybe because I'm so insecure, or maybe because it's just so fucking unnecessary.

I agree. Sex scenes in movies just make me uncomfortable. Must be a girl thing, since all the boys are being all defensive about it ;)

Not really. When I watch porn, I expect sex scenes, obviously. But I actually really hate half-arsed sex scenes in 'normal' movies. Not that I would mind a full blown sex scene. It's the way they do it by hinting: ruffled covers, just the top-half of the couple being shown, or maybe just a shot of the guy's ugly butt going up and down. If they're not gonna show the scene proper;y, then just leave the fucking thing out of it and just have the characters wake up and get on with things.

Agreed!
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Jack Lupino on May 19, 2008, 03:09:03 pm
Mm. good point.

I agree.

So - Good sex or no sex at all amirite
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Laser.T on May 19, 2008, 05:21:39 pm
Exactly.
Stick it in, or not at all.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Lysix on May 19, 2008, 05:50:28 pm
haha, seconded! some of the sex scenes you see in tv/films is just kinda *facepalm*
i love how theyre like "we're showing sex but we cant show much cause thats naughty!".
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: L'homme magique on May 19, 2008, 09:43:00 pm
Quote
Must be a girl thing, since all the boys are being all defensive about it
I realize there is a sarcasm-indicating wink at the end of the original comment, but I just haven't seen sex in movies (yes, recent ones) to the extent that Annie is implying.

Like, at all.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: MDX on May 19, 2008, 09:55:51 pm
You clearly haven't seen Dude, where's my dick (in your ass)


and nor have i, come to think of it.


So whats all this sex business about then? Is it mainly business, has anybody ever had business related sex? If not, why not? And when do you plan to?
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Smeagol on May 19, 2008, 10:08:39 pm
Quote
Must be a girl thing, since all the boys are being all defensive about it
I realize there is a sarcasm-indicating wink at the end of the original comment, but I just haven't seen sex in movies (yes, recent ones) to the extent that Annie is implying.

Like, at all.

It's usually the mark of a REALLY terrible film.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: harvey danger on May 20, 2008, 08:07:27 am
Quote
Must be a girl thing, since all the boys are being all defensive about it
I realize there is a sarcasm-indicating wink at the end of the original comment, but I just haven't seen sex in movies (yes, recent ones) to the extent that Annie is implying.

Like, at all.

It's usually the mark of a REALLY terrible film.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Viherminttu on May 20, 2008, 10:16:12 am
It seems most movies I watch lately involves sex scenes. What the hell movies are you guys watching?
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Lysix on May 20, 2008, 01:20:23 pm
dim, i'm sorry, but your moomin avatar is really suggestive. maybe im looking at it the wrong way but that sure doesn't look like his tail.
or maybe thats the point and i've just clearly re-established my retardedness?
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Annie on May 20, 2008, 05:07:16 pm
It seems most movies I watch lately involves sex scenes. What the hell movies are you guys watching?

No shit. And like, whenever you see a preview for a movie on TV, it shows people all.. close and looking like they're about to do it
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: evilcandybag on May 20, 2008, 05:10:32 pm
It seems most movies I watch lately involves sex scenes. What the hell movies are you guys watching?

Old movies from the time when that wasn't deemed necessary to make a good successful movie. That and martial arts flicks.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Jack Lupino on May 20, 2008, 05:30:41 pm
I once saw a kung fu porn vid on youtube or sth, it was really funny
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Viherminttu on May 20, 2008, 05:56:51 pm
That's Moomintroll's foot. He's sitting on a 3/4 angle, so unless Moomins have penises that are attached at the hip....

:( I like my Snorkmaiden <3's Moomintroll avatar, and now you've RUINED IT! *sobs*
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: harvey danger on May 20, 2008, 11:24:32 pm
It seems most movies I watch lately involves sex scenes. What the hell movies are you guys watching?

No shit. And like, whenever you see a preview for a movie on TV, it shows people all.. close and looking like they're about to do it


Well, I even just saw "Street Kings," and as "guy movie" as it was, there was no sex at all. There were girls in bikinis in one part, briefly, and a kiss between Keanu and his girlfriend, but that was it. (Actually, it was a lot like a film version of "The Shield," which isn't a bad thing.)

Looking at the collection of movies right next to me, the only ones with sex are my 7 movies from the James Bond collection (in which it is obligatory), and American Psycho. The other 18 have nothing but partial nudity (A Scanner Darkly) and Ron Jeremy masturbating to partial nudity (Boondock Saints). :P There's more, but they're, uh... stored on my external hard drive. ;D

Even my little sister's collection only has two with sex, them being Wedding Crashers and How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Viherminttu on May 24, 2008, 06:47:19 am
I went out to watch TV with my dad last night (something I never do) AND GUESS WHAT? The movie he was watching had SEX SCENES. I told you! I TOLD YOU!

It also had Burt Reynolds which made me happy. Eee Burt <3
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: harvey danger on May 24, 2008, 08:00:19 am
I went out to watch TV with my dad last night (something I never do) AND GUESS WHAT? The movie he was watching had SEX SCENES. I told you! I TOLD YOU!

It also had Burt Reynolds which made me happy. Eee Burt <3

Was Burt Reynolds in the sex scene?
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Viherminttu on May 24, 2008, 09:39:17 am
No, sadly. :(
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Jack Lupino on May 24, 2008, 03:06:19 pm
A friend of mine told me he downloaded some pr0n and while he was fappin it suddenly rickrolled him, like 10 minutes in, ROFL.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Viherminttu on May 24, 2008, 05:36:41 pm
LOL! Rickrolled by porn! That's fucking epic!
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Lexx on May 24, 2008, 06:06:23 pm
Oh yeah! I'm coming! I'm coming! Oh my go- ♫♪♫ "We're no strangers to love.." ♫♪ SPLOOGE.

You just got Rick Raped.


This awkward moment was brought to you by the Ministry of Cynicism.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Gof on May 24, 2008, 11:38:24 pm
Well, uhm. Yeah. First time I tried to masturbate didn't end so well.   :-\
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Annie on May 25, 2008, 01:13:51 am
Ooh, time for an embarrassing story.

When I was younger, I used to masturbate with Barbie doll legs. ;D mm, Awkward.

Dude, I started masturbating when I was like 13. That's weird now that I think about it.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Gazus on May 25, 2008, 02:01:43 am
Ooh, time for an embarrassing story.

When I was younger, I used to masturbate with Barbie doll legs. ;D mm, Awkward.

Well, if it can makes you feeling better, I have an ex-gf who used to did it too.


Anyway, as long as I remember, I didn't have anything bad, as a sexuel experience, in my short life.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: MDX on May 25, 2008, 03:30:22 am
Surely barbie doll legs are painful? Which doll am i thinking of, did they even have feet?
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Viherminttu on May 25, 2008, 04:09:08 am
Maybe she pulled the legs off first?
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Annie on May 25, 2008, 05:26:35 am
Surely barbie doll legs are painful? Which doll am i thinking of, did they even have feet?

Barbie Doll logs are soft and smooth and rubbery oO;
(http://www.crowncombo.com/articles/2006/034_crayonmaker/crayon01.jpg)
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Viherminttu on May 25, 2008, 11:45:44 am
I think he meant the pointy toes.

I love how you could crack their knee joints. That made me laugh as a kid. I was a sadistic child, I think.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Jack Lupino on May 25, 2008, 05:41:43 pm
You think?
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Torp v2.0 on May 28, 2008, 02:04:26 am
I think it has carried over to your adulthood.
/me points back at certain posts in a certain topic that was a lot of fun.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Leissi on July 17, 2008, 03:34:54 pm
Mine is so embarrassing that I don't think I can talk about it here :D

Okay, here goes!

My frenulum (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frenulum) was torn one of the first times I had sex without a condom (because she was on birth control pills and neither of us had been in a sexual relationship before).
I was bleeding all over the place. Freaking out, my girlfriend found me an apron to hide the blood, and I went to the emergency room to get it patched up. I was so scared. After that I've been extremely careful :O.
I laugh about it now, though.
I must say, this happened to me once too. We both panicked about the immense amount of blood, she started crying and was afraid I'd dump her for doing that. Of course I didn't, I loved her, still do. It's one-sided now though :(

but, it hurt like hell, and I has no penile frenulum left.

also, no sex or fapping for two weeks, we thought we'd snuggle a bit and incidentally it went further than that. And, the wound caused by ripped-off frenulum opened SQUISH BLOOD EVERYWHERE!

after that I didn't have sex for three months. Which was a refreshing experience, since I could still do things to her ;)

seriously.

It hurts like hell.

E: Incidentally, we didn't notice it first, I thought that a small amount of pain is normal to sex as I hadn't had too much experience before it. We noticed when we were changing position, and then it REALLY started hurting. Both of us, I dare assume.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Lysix on July 17, 2008, 06:40:06 pm
no bad experiences as of late. sex with the girlfriend, in a word, is epic.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Annie on July 18, 2008, 12:37:55 am
no bad experiences as of late. sex with the girlfriend, in a word, is epic.

Then why bother posting if it's not bad? Kinda pointless, you know.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Lysix on July 18, 2008, 01:17:37 am
the same reason every other thread goes offtopic? because it is the way of the machinae gods. they will it so.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: MDX on July 18, 2008, 01:40:04 am
BACK ON TOPIC OMG IM AMAZING IN BED BUT MY PENIS IS A LOCH NESS MONSTER HALP PLZ!
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Leissi on July 18, 2008, 01:44:27 am
BACK ON TOPIC OMG IM AMAZING IN BED BUT MY PENIS IS A LOCH NESS MONSTER HALP PLZ!
WAT  :o
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: MDX on July 18, 2008, 01:54:56 am
nah, i lied. i dont have any sexual experience atm to be worried about.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Lexx on July 18, 2008, 02:04:10 am
BACK ON TOPIC OMG IM AMAZING IN BED BUT MY PENIS IS A LOCH NESS MONSTER HALP PLZ!

I'm glad I'm not the only one who's reading this topic like this. Have some humility people!
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: harvey danger on July 18, 2008, 03:23:27 am
Uhh... we were possibly caught by my little sister. Does that count?

She didn't walk "in" so much as "by" a mostly closed door. No idea whether she heard us. :-X
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Leissi on July 18, 2008, 01:40:36 pm
Uhh... we were possibly caught by my little sister. Does that count?

She didn't walk "in" so much as "by" a mostly closed door. No idea whether she heard us. :-X
"mostly closed door" :D
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Jack Lupino on July 18, 2008, 03:12:44 pm
Hai guyz i accidentally my sister what do i do?
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: evilcandybag on July 18, 2008, 04:18:44 pm
Hai guyz i accidentally my sister what do i do?

Again.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Viherminttu on July 18, 2008, 05:34:58 pm
/me doesn't know how to reply to that, Rad
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Lysix on July 18, 2008, 06:37:22 pm
Hai guyz i accidentally my sister what do i do?

you accidently your sister?
OH GOD I HATE IT WHEN I ACCIDENTLY THINGS
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Annie on July 18, 2008, 08:47:06 pm
i dont have any sexual experience atm to be worried about.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Jack Lupino on July 18, 2008, 10:05:46 pm
Wtf is accidently?

http://www.wsu.edu/~brians/errors/accidently.html
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Lysix on July 18, 2008, 10:57:47 pm
i've been corrected by a foreigner.
my life is OVERRRRR. ]:
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Gravehill on July 19, 2008, 01:00:34 am
I'm not sure whether I've mentioned about short documentary film named "101 Embarrasing Sexual Accidents". Worth watching.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Laser.T on July 19, 2008, 08:01:27 pm
Hai guyz i accidentally my sister what do i do?

Oh man, I accidentally a whole bottle yesterday.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: harvey danger on July 19, 2008, 11:14:20 pm
Hai guyz i accidentally my sister what do i do?

Oh man, I accidentally a whole bottle yesterday.

Oh man, the other day my friend accidentally his cat and then a hole in the house and wound up when the fire department came to him out.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Viherminttu on July 20, 2008, 03:23:14 pm
I accidentally my labia?

That sounds so terrible when I type it :(
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: MDX on July 20, 2008, 03:28:09 pm
Twisted times. We're in random, so i'm not going to try push this back on topic. Since i am pretty sure everybody has run out of Sexual experiences that sucked, that theyre willing to share.



I DECLARE ANARCHY!
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Jack Lupino on July 20, 2008, 03:36:53 pm
Last night i got drunk with a girl.

stuff happened
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Gazus on July 20, 2008, 04:31:54 pm
So you accidentally her ?
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Jack Lupino on July 20, 2008, 05:10:53 pm
So you accidentally her ?
Too drunk to FSCK
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: MDX on July 20, 2008, 05:55:28 pm
Couldn't find his pecker.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Jack Lupino on July 20, 2008, 07:23:17 pm
More like, couldn't find his own home, then keys.

But it was fun
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: tetsuo2040 on September 01, 2008, 12:01:40 am
Porn sucks when your sound drivers aren't working. :(
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Torp v2.0 on September 01, 2008, 12:33:45 am
Porn generally sucks anyway, except as entertainment. My best time with porn was really that one time I was sitting around with a bunch of mates in the army, and a really hilarious softcore started running on the TV in the background.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Muckwuddly on September 01, 2008, 08:58:30 pm
Porn sucks when your sound drivers aren't working. :(

LOL
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Torp v2.0 on January 20, 2009, 11:55:36 pm
Worst sex experience ... I was horny as hell and the guy couldn't stand up. He said he was nervous etc. Whatever.

Dissapointment ....

Honestly, I think the guy had a worse time than you. Erectile dysfunction is not a fun experience.

I suppose, if he wasn't a virgin, you should feel flattered, in a way. I mean, if he was nervous, I'd say he must have cared for you more than just for sex. You're not nervous unless you have a reason for it (or a mental condition, obviously).

Maybe he could have offered you some tongue action after you'd comforted him a tad bit, though. And maybe that would even have eased his tension.

Okay, greater thread resurrection, because I've managed to prove myself wrong here.

1. Yeah, I experienced the same as daYak here, sorta... (from the other side, obviously). More like, went suddenly limp without coming shortly after entering her.
2. I wasn't nervous. Well, no more than one would normally be when having sex with someone for the first time.
3. It was still rather good.

Rather embarrasing when it happened, though, so it fits into this thread.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Jack Lupino on January 27, 2009, 04:30:29 am
Tape my nuts to her chest and do a backflip. God that was hot.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: -File_not_Found- on February 01, 2009, 08:47:09 am
I did a battleroll while looking at pc. :/
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Laser.T on February 04, 2009, 03:38:30 am
Okay, when I first arrived in Japan, I went to a meal and karaoke with my new colleagues. There were about 40 of us in one room, all singing, it was great. When we came out, I discovered I had missed the last train home (by a few hours). Looking for somewhere to stay, I managed to get invited to one girl's house with two female friends. The person who's place it was is a Caribbean girl, her friend are a tiny American and a chubby Californian. We continue drinking and talk and bitch about our other new colleagues. It becomes clear that the chubby one fancies me, especially when she wrestles me to the ground, sits on top of me and won't get off.

When we decided to go to bed, this girl takes my hand and leads me to another room. In a moment of drunken idiocy I think: "I'll see how this goes." It's soon discovered after we throw off our clothes and eat each other's faces that I don't have a condom. She shouts bloody murder and tells her friend (in the next room, Japanese walls are thin), "Looks like it's gonna be another dry month!"

She asks, "what now?" I shrug. I end up fingering her for like 10 minutes - unable to have any real effect because every time she moved she managed to crushed my hands under her weight in a new, original way. She offers me something in return, I'm just like "Nah, it's okay."

Now, we're friends and we never ever speak of that night. She still fancies me, but I make sure I'll never give her the wrong impression again.

(Oh, and I apologise but I just really shallow (from seeing too much hentai I guess))
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Torp v2.0 on February 04, 2009, 03:22:01 pm
You are man.

What I mean is, it's natural for us men to want sex like that. You're not shallow for wanting no-strings sex. You just went to bed with a girl that fancied you a bit. Had you pretended to want to be her boyfriend for a period of time, and then fuck off as soon as you'd fucked her, that would have been shallow.

Anyway, crush your hands? How big was this girl?
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: evilcandybag on February 04, 2009, 03:41:11 pm
You are man.

What I mean is, it's natural for us men to want sex like that. You're not shallow for wanting no-strings sex. You just went to bed with a girl that fancied you a bit. Had you pretended to want to be her boyfriend for a period of time, and then fuck off as soon as you'd fucked her, that would have been shallow.

Anyway, crush your hands? How big was this girl?

Chubby is not a word I'd use for a person I was afraid would crush my hands...
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Jack Lupino on February 04, 2009, 09:14:16 pm
(http://tbn1.google.com/images?q=tbn:utk9iSXUEaGyJM:http://www.coolantarctica.com/gallery/whales_whaling/images/harpoon_gun.jpg)

My contribution to this thread for today

Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Cerapter on February 04, 2009, 10:25:42 pm
From my point of view, with the information given, the girl is the shallow one.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Torp v2.0 on February 05, 2009, 02:07:03 am
(http://tbn1.google.com/images?q=tbn:utk9iSXUEaGyJM:http://www.coolantarctica.com/gallery/whales_whaling/images/harpoon_gun.jpg)

My contribution to this thread for today

What you're saying is that you're a whale hunter? (that's like a chubby chaser, only bigger)

evilcandybag: My point exactly. I've had a couple of chubby woman myself, but I've never been afraid of my hands breaking. In fact, one of them was really very good, excepting the fact that she managed to use teeth when performing oral (though I'm not sure if she's really to blame for that). Hmmm...I did have a pain in my hip for some time after that incident, actually, though I'm not sure it was related, and if it was, it probably had little to do with size.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Laser.T on February 05, 2009, 05:26:19 pm
You are man.

What I mean is, it's natural for us men to want sex like that. You're not shallow for wanting no-strings sex. You just went to bed with a girl that fancied you a bit. Had you pretended to want to be her boyfriend for a period of time, and then fuck off as soon as you'd fucked her, that would have been shallow.

Anyway, crush your hands? How big was this girl?

I re-read it myself and I realised that in my rush to type it I've missed some important points out which could mean you misunderstood me.

I didn't want to do anything with her, the "I don't have a condom" was an excuse to not do have to do anything that I would regret! My drunken stupor, and the feeling of a girl give me some attention, allowed her to take me into the other room, but at least part of my brain was working to stop myself - I'm actually kinda sensitive about sleeping with a girl I actually like. I only fingered her because of some bizarre sense of obligation.

And about 'chubby'... that's why I say I'm shallow, because I made a big deal about a girl that's a lil' bit chubby (though it did hurt my hands! because I'm far from being the strongest man in the world...).
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Smeagol on February 05, 2009, 05:57:19 pm
(though it did hurt my hands! because I'm far from being the strongest man in the world...).

No ****ing way did you spend years up in Sheffield if you're that soft  :P
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Ant on February 05, 2009, 06:01:08 pm
Maybe gravity is stronger in Japan.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Jack Lupino on February 05, 2009, 09:11:09 pm
Maybe gravity is stronger in Japan.
Or maybe the girls are fatter
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: ~futilite~ on February 05, 2009, 09:47:57 pm
Maybe gravity is stronger in Japan.
Or maybe the girls are fatter


wasn't it the girl from California?
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Ant on February 05, 2009, 09:49:02 pm
Maybe gravity is stronger in Japan.
Or maybe the girls are fatter


wasn't it the girl from California?

Maybe the density of fat changes once you enter the borders of Japan.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Smeagol on February 05, 2009, 09:54:46 pm
Maybe gravity is stronger in Japan.
Or maybe the girls are fatter


wasn't it the girl from California?

ohmigod, I think you'll like, find that it's like soooooooo called Cal-eye-forn-eye-ah, like ohmigod.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Jack Lupino on February 06, 2009, 01:08:52 am
Anyone with that accent should be beaten with hockeysticks.

So let this be a warning, Ahhnold. Im coming for ya.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: evilcandybag on February 06, 2009, 01:21:44 am
Anyone with that accent should be beaten with hockeysticks.

So let this be a warning, Ahhnold. Im coming for ya.

A summary of all Ahnold's speeches:
"Peepawl, Califawnya. Feedem. Yeah, good."
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Laser.T on February 06, 2009, 03:39:09 am
Maybe gravity is stronger in Japan.
Or maybe the girls are fatter

The are most certainly not. The average girl is way way way thinner than in the West. That's why I love it here. Small, cute Japanese girls :D Not Cahleefornihan chubba-chups.

(though it did hurt my hands! because I'm far from being the strongest man in the world...).

No ****ing way did you spend years up in Sheffield if you're that soft  :P

Well, I probably still could smack down a Southerner in seconds :P :-*
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: -File_not_Found- on February 06, 2009, 11:49:56 am
my worst sex ever was, someone who kept accidentally grazing me with my teeth, and their tongue was moving to harshly against my uncircumcised dick...gawd it was so bad, and unarousing, that i lost boner mid suck, and had to whack it til orgasm for him...yes i am bi, but currently with a girl, and don't want to go back to guys, so currently i am fairly straight. still some gay porn is cool, as long as their average guys, not hunky muscle bound fucks, or skinny twinks, i like average dudes, like nerds and stuff, their pretty hot.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: harvey danger on February 06, 2009, 11:22:12 pm
Maybe gravity is stronger in Japan.
Or maybe the girls are fatter

The are most certainly not. The average girl is way way way thinner than in the West. That's why I love it here. Small, cute Japanese girls :D Not Cahleefornihan chubba-chups.

And yet, that's what they aspire to be. :P
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Torp v2.0 on February 07, 2009, 03:29:55 am
my worst sex ever was, someone who kept accidentally grazing me with my teeth, and their tongue was moving to harshly against my uncircumcised dick...gawd it was so bad, and unarousing, that i lost boner mid suck, and had to whack it til orgasm for him...yes i am bi, but currently with a girl, and don't want to go back to guys, so currently i am fairly straight. still some gay porn is cool, as long as their average guys, not hunky muscle bound fucks, or skinny twinks, i like average dudes, like nerds and stuff, their pretty hot.

Don't worry, we don't care.

Also, yeah, teeth and blowjobs are a bad combo. I may have mentioned that earlier on here, but it's worth repeating.

Also also, I totally disagree with you on what kinds of guys look sexy. Then again, this may have to do with me being, you know, sorta, well, heterosexual, and thereby only finding guys who look androgynous and feminine to be sexy. ;D
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Gazus on May 08, 2009, 02:28:32 am
It happened 2 weeks ago.
Met a girl at a bar (le Black Dog, parisian metal bar, good beers and awesome meat, excepted thr one I'm talking about -ha ha, erh... sorry... -).
So I met that girl, with her friend, a nice uninteresting person, a paganist wanabee (and not very pretty I confess), who came to me at a moment (where I was standing in the second room of the bar, downstairs, listening to the album of a band I was interviewing few hours before, promo days, blah blah), to ask me if-I-wanted-to-join-them-at-their-table-since-her-friend-wanted-me-to. Of course I accepted because of she was looking good (not the pagan idiodish friend, you follow me ?), even if she was dressed like a gothic lolita... what she actually is, in addition to being asiatic (which fits with her dressing style, actually)
So I joined them at their table, drunk a couple of beers, talked with them (especially with the cute one).
Whatever, at a moment, she told me that she wasn't from Paris, and had nowhere to sleep for the weekend, which was a problem since she was going back to her place after the weekend. So, I told her that is she wanted, she could sleep at my appartment (which isn't realy my appartment, a couple of friends borrowed it to me, because they were on vacations for two weeks). And she accepted.
We spent the saturday evening having fun, talking, playing videogames, etc.
On the sunday's morning (around 12 a.m or later), we finally started to have sex.
Then, she stopped everything. Of course, I was a little disappointed. Coïtus Interrompus is not fun. At all. She explained that her life was messy, etc. So I accepted it and didn't think about it until the next day.
And of course we had sex on the monday morning.
It was akward, since I was doing all the stuff. I had the impression to make love to a dead fish (or a sea star, depends on what you prefer). Excepted the fact that she was breathing and moaning kinda louder (which reassured me about the fact that I can still give pleasure to a woman, even after one year and a half of no-sex), she didn't do anything at all.
So after it was finished, I took a shower, dressed and told her it was time to go since I was late for my work (editing of a movie I directed less than a month ago). She dressed too and we left the place. Then I abandonned her at the metro station and ran at my school to do my work.

Gothic lolitas who pretend to know everything about kama-sutre are for sure on my "don't have sex with" list .

True story.


(fortunatly I met another few days ago and it looks like she my girlfriend, I don't realy know, got her phone number, spent a night with her -without sex because she didn't want to have sex on the first "date", what I was okay with, considering the previous story- gotta see her soon. I think)


Btw, hi guys, been a long time since I didn't post, even if I sometimes lurk the forum.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Ant on May 08, 2009, 12:38:55 pm
Good to read from you again Gazus!
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Moheeheeko on May 08, 2009, 08:25:54 pm
Maybe gravity is stronger in Japan.
Or maybe the girls are fatter


wasn't it the girl from California?

ohmigod, I think you'll like, find that it's like soooooooo called Cal-eye-forn-eye-ah, like ohmigod.
actually, the current accent to avoid here is the mexican-girl-with-attitude.
yknow, where the entire sentance is all one word, composed of poorly pronounced words like "stuped"(stoo-ped) and "hyphy"...which i have NO idea what that means...and i live here
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Mirdin on May 09, 2009, 01:04:48 am
Maybe gravity is stronger in Japan.
Or maybe the girls are fatter


wasn't it the girl from California?

ohmigod, I think you'll like, find that it's like soooooooo called Cal-eye-forn-eye-ah, like ohmigod.
actually, the current accent to avoid here is the mexican-girl-with-attitude.
yknow, where the entire sentance is all one word, composed of poorly pronounced words like "stuped"(stoo-ped) and "hyphy"...which i have NO idea what that means...and i live here

hyphy maybe High-Five? idk just an idea ;D
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Smeagol on May 09, 2009, 02:12:03 am
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=hyphy
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Jack Lupino on May 09, 2009, 04:36:01 am
Keak Da Sneak









Classy
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Gazus on May 09, 2009, 08:19:31 pm
Keak Da Sneak

On a plane, you mean ?
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: cloudstrifex on May 14, 2009, 08:43:07 am
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=hyphy

I watched a video of a dude using exclusively bay area slang and i understood like two words xD
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Annie on July 29, 2009, 07:18:04 pm
my worst sex ever was, someone who kept accidentally grazing me with my teeth, and their tongue was moving to harshly against my uncircumcised dick...gawd it was so bad, and unarousing, that i lost boner mid suck, and had to whack it til orgasm for him...yes i am bi, but currently with a girl, and don't want to go back to guys, so currently i am fairly straight. still some gay porn is cool, as long as their average guys, not hunky muscle bound fucks, or skinny twinks, i like average dudes, like nerds and stuff, their pretty hot.

Don't worry, we don't care.

Also, yeah, teeth and blowjobs are a bad combo. I may have mentioned that earlier on here, but it's worth repeating.

So, what's worse? A light-grazing, or vomiting all over an uncircumcised dick because you're wasted out of your god damned mind? No, I'm not speaking from personal experience, but I was told an interesting story yesterday... ><; Blarghgross.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Torp v2.0 on July 29, 2009, 09:37:20 pm
The latter, Annie, the latter.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Jack Lupino on July 29, 2009, 10:10:11 pm
Vomit blowjob. Now THAT'S a nice picture, and was already feeling kinda ill. :P
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Annie on July 29, 2009, 10:37:52 pm
Lmfao, I know you've all missed me and my stories terribly. Sorry Rad! Feel better. :D
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Smeagol on July 29, 2009, 11:02:09 pm
Consider your current sig-line restated.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Jack Lupino on August 13, 2009, 03:45:27 am
same thing happened to me but they were two hot bi girls but it was in my room we got high and drank beer all day and my mom kick them out I know what u mean
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: slippy0 on August 15, 2009, 11:52:36 am
69ing with a girl who didn't wipe very well... That was just... eughh.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Jack Lupino on August 15, 2009, 08:43:24 pm
thanks my apetite is gone

damn you slippy
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: harvey danger on August 16, 2009, 12:28:25 am
69ing with a girl who didn't wipe very well... That was just... eughh.

That's the point I stop at. :P
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: machinaeFREAK on August 19, 2009, 06:39:53 pm
BleeeeH!
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Blastyr on July 15, 2011, 07:45:12 pm
*Riax cast 'Greater Thread Revival.'

I glanced at the Who's Online list and a guest was reading this thread. I have something to add.

My (now ex-) boyfriend (I don't really wanna use his real name; let's call him "Kyle.") and I were at my house one day. We were down in the basement, and had just lined up when all of the sudden, I hear the screen door open upstairs. He doesn't hear it, because it isn't his house, and his ears aren't attuned to the sounds stuff makes. So, in the split second between my brain registering the sound and me abruptly sitting up, he starts pushing, and our combined movement forces it all in at once. Luckily, my younger brother (who was the one opening the door) didn't hear me scream my string of obscenities. (I vaguely recall yelling something like, "FUCKSHITSONOFABITCH.") He got in and went straight to his room as usual.

Now, at this point, I'm clearly in pain, and you'd think "Kyle" would at least say sorry or ask me if I'm okay. Nope. After a moment, he just starts going at it. I tell him to hold still a bit longer, and he just says, "it'll feel good in a second." Well, it didn't, but he finished anyway. At the time, I couldn't bring myself to really be mad at him. (I guess I've always been the kind of person to never give up on a relationship; I've only ever dumped one person, and that was the girlfriend I had when I realized I liked guys.) Looking back, however, I can clearly see he was a real dick.

Anyway, that's my worst experience. My first boyfriend gave terrible head, but that seems trivial in light of the above. Anyone else have any revisions to make since they last posted?
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: machinaeFREAK on July 23, 2011, 06:08:51 pm
I don't know if this counts as a worst experience, and I've probably already posted it in the some things topic, but fuck that I wanna be popular too!

So, when I was in the second last class of elementary school, (7th grade?) we got this guy in our class who I hung out with when I was like 5 years but never talked to again until that day. His name was also Tim, so that worked as a good glue for building up a friendship. I gradually got to like him more and more, until I kind of 'decided' that I had a crush on him. I never talked about that, tho I spend more time with him. After elementary school he moved to a town which is about 2 miles away, and I found him on FB so I hope I can talk to him once again.

Anyway story is that at like the last day before he moved, we were talking about stuff in the evening at a summer day. It was not a real dramatic goodbye, more of a dissapointed one. So I also had my thoughts he was gay, as he never really took interest in girls and treated them as 'normal' people (You know, the whole boys vs girls thing) and he always smelled nice. So at that evening I thought multiple times about telling me I was gay and maybe give him a kiss, but I never did that. I really felt like crap for the next few days, as it was possibly my first chance at getting a kiss or getting a boyfriend. I still believe it's the same feeling as a bad sexual experience, we all know how sorrow feels.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Einkoro on July 25, 2011, 03:38:59 am
LOL, I'm still a virgin but I know I'll last longer than 3mins ;D , thats fucking funny. Not all Americans have such problems, however Draconis might......

Hahahah. Trust me. Your first time, it'll all be over in seconds. You'll be lucky if you last a minute.

I found it to be the opposite. I've yet to have a sexual experience that surpassed the first in duration, excitement or quality. Thanks to setting the bar so damn high I find everything disappointing in comparison.

Edit: Durr apparently I didn't hit the new posts button. I thought I stepped into the tardis reading over my post.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: evilcandybag on July 25, 2011, 06:08:16 pm
I thought I stepped into the tardis reading over my post.

Once you've heard a scotsman say "tardis", you'll never want to hear it in any other dialect again. And no, this is not related to the topic of this thread.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Bearfoot on September 04, 2011, 06:41:50 pm
*sighs* 

I don't know why I'm sharing this and if you're homophobic I suggest not continuing to read this.

but my one experience.

he performed oral on me.

I'm told I orgasmed.

I didn't even feel it.

to all you virgins, be picky.  And do not be ashamed of begin a virgin.

I wish I hadn't done it.

Also, for you guys. I'm 35.. that was my one time.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Bearfoot on September 04, 2011, 06:46:01 pm

actually, the current accent to avoid here is the mexican-girl-with-attitude.
yknow, where the entire sentance is all one word, composed of poorly pronounced words like "stuped"(stoo-ped) and "hyphy"...which i have NO idea what that means...and i live here
[/quote]

hyphy maybe High-Five? idk just an idea ;D
[/quote]

Sounds like a VD to me..
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Jack Lupino on September 06, 2011, 06:12:44 pm
machinaeFREAK we already know you plenty, i even have a picture of you!
(http://s.chakpak.com/se_images/5563773_-1_564_none/care-for-all-and-for-ur-parents-and-people-who-love-u-and-poor.jpg)
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: machinaeFREAK on September 06, 2011, 08:06:14 pm
/gasp

This is treason!
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: ~futilite~ on September 06, 2011, 09:03:18 pm
Not really, but can I consider it harassment if people keep on posting things that nobody finds funny, or things that are not as casual/insider as they think, or things that are clearly in the wrong thread?
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: machinaeFREAK on September 06, 2011, 10:34:18 pm
Whatcha know bout threads

Ahum.

You meant Good Mr. Freak, or Good Mr. Lupino?
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Ziza on September 07, 2011, 12:14:00 am
Nah, he obviously means me.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: SJGamble on September 07, 2011, 08:56:41 pm
Auto-erotic asphyxiation with my last girlfriend....

Lets just leave it at that haha
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: yas‮ on September 07, 2011, 11:08:11 pm
By auto-erotic you mean you were actually choking yourself?
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: SJGamble on September 07, 2011, 11:17:21 pm
Nah she was choking me...
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Bearfoot on September 08, 2011, 03:01:50 am
then it would just be Erotic asphyxiation...

but yah.. don't do that.  :P
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: machinaeFREAK on September 08, 2011, 06:14:21 pm
Well some people get turned on by it...mostly the wrong people.

Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Jack Lupino on September 09, 2011, 09:11:57 am
Just do that in a closet with a bag over your head and a noose around your neck. It's amazing!

(http://images.contactmusic.com/newsimages/david_carradine_1105933.jpg)
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: machinaeFREAK on September 09, 2011, 05:57:42 pm
Stop posting creepy pictures please it scares the hell out of me
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Ziza on September 09, 2011, 09:47:22 pm
What's so creepy about good ol' David :(?
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: megashroom° on September 09, 2011, 10:03:01 pm
Pics of recently departed people always gives me the creeps. Dx
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Bearfoot on September 10, 2011, 02:46:03 am
Well some people get turned on by it...mostly the wrong people.

we're talking erotic asphyxiation right?  Not necrophilia?

Wasn't sure, just want to be clear.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: megashroom° on September 10, 2011, 04:56:53 am
Well some people get turned on by it...mostly the wrong people.

we're talking erotic asphyxiation right?  Not necrophilia?

Wasn't sure, just want to be clear.

One thing leads to the other.

Man, the David Carradine case is just world class worst sexual experience. I dare you to top that. :3
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Jack Lupino on September 11, 2011, 04:15:43 pm
Well some people get turned on by it...mostly the wrong people.

we're talking erotic asphyxiation right?  Not necrophilia?

Wasn't sure, just want to be clear.

One thing leads to the other.

Man, the David Carradine case is just world class worst sexual experience. I dare you to top that. :3
QFT
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Bearfoot on September 16, 2011, 02:13:44 am
Challenge accepted.

http://jezebel.com/5544903/the-10-worst-sex-stories-weve-ever-heard
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Gravehill on September 16, 2011, 11:05:43 am
I guess I have to participate as well. The incident in itself was not that bad - from my point of view - but it has influenced my sexlife for quite a long time now. I've always been really active when it comes to sexlife and sometimes I like to play it rough. BDSM in itself ain't that harmful, nor is the dirty talking I do to arouse my companion in pleasures. But sometimes, just sometimes, I'm doing some hard-up comedy while having sex. I just think that laugh is good for sexlife and life in general - you can have fun in so many ways at bed. Well, usually that's the way it is. Except once, that is.

This one time I'm talking about was when I was having - again - absolutely great sex with my current wife. I was in my way to heaven in her hands, or actually in her mouth. You see, I've never met anyone who can use her mouth like she does (and I've had my share of good blowjobs before her, believe me). It's just miracle... But anyway! I was in my way to heaven when I made some funny remark about something. And she laughed at it for a while. Then, still smiling, she continued. Some time passed by and I just started to come. I could not warn that I'm coming and by some wicked twist of fate she remembered my joke at the same minute. She started to laugh and all my goods ended up to shoot into her nose - from inwards. And as some of you might have got ANY liquid up in the nose while laughing (I've gotten water, lemonade and milk) you know it feels bad. And it burns. Now, it's needless to say that she was not enjoying it much.

And after that... Well... She lost her interest to giving oral pleasures almost altogether :( So I guess that has to be my worst sexual experience ever.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Hadou on September 16, 2011, 08:59:54 pm
8 is the worst. And very detailed.  :-[
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: machinaeFREAK on September 18, 2011, 03:20:50 pm
8 is the worst. And very detailed.  :-[

9, in my opinion. I really felt sick, and a sort of phantom pain down there. Brrrrr.


8 IS THE PERFECT SYMMETRICAL NUMBER THEREFORE NEVER WRONG

meh.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Bearfoot on September 22, 2011, 05:40:37 pm
I just watched the English dub of Tokyo gore police...

As long as it's not as bad as that one dude's experience I can cope I think.. and if you've seen it you know what I'm talking about.  If you haven't.. you may not wanna ask.. :P
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Afterburn on September 27, 2011, 11:03:19 pm
10 minutes ago. Was made to use protection.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Member on October 02, 2011, 03:16:43 pm
Never excepted a topic like this on MaSu online. ???
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Hadou on October 02, 2011, 08:14:24 pm
Never excepted a topic like this on MaSu online. ???

Really? Aren't most of the people here sex crazed nerds?
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Blastyr on October 02, 2011, 08:28:18 pm
Never excepted a topic like this on MaSu online. ???
Really? Aren't most of the people here sex crazed nerds?
I think I'd prefer the term "promiscuous geek."

Also, this topic has been here for quite a while. I simply happened upon it a few months ago and revived it from its slumber.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Bearfoot on October 03, 2011, 10:23:50 am
And I prefer the term "smoking hawttie"

but that's just me.  8)
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Jack Lupino on October 03, 2011, 06:45:41 pm
i happen on stuff all the time too riax, don't worry.
Title: Re: worst sexual experience ever
Post by: Palantyre on October 18, 2011, 10:44:59 am
Girly is riding me.
Girly lifts herself just a liiiittle bit too high, so my wang slips out.
Girly comes crashing down on my wang.
Wang gets bent by WAY too many degrees.
Coitus interruptus by me going HYAAAAARGHARGHYAAA very very loudly.

Seriously, Christ's bleeding arse that hurt like a motherfucker.