The Official Machinae Supremacy Forum

General => Random => Topic started by: Annie on November 16, 2007, 09:01:06 pm

Title: A Bisexual.
Post by: Annie on November 16, 2007, 09:01:06 pm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/glasgow_and_west/7095134.stm

Quote
A man caught trying to have sex with his bicycle has been sentenced to three years on probation.

Robert Stewart, 51, admitted a sexually aggravated breach of the peace by conducting himself in a disorderly manner and simulating sex.

Sheriff Colin Miller also placed Stewart on the Sex Offenders Register for three years.

Mr Stewart was caught in the act with his bicycle by cleaners in his bedroom at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr.

Gail Davidson, prosecuting, told Ayr Sheriff Court: "They knocked on the door several times and there was no reply.

"They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white t-shirt, naked from the waist down.

"The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex."

Both cleaners, who were "extremely shocked", told the hostel manager who called police.

Sheriff Colin Miller told Stewart: "In almost four decades in the law I thought I had come across every perversion known to mankind, but this is a new one on me. I have never heard of a 'cycle-sexualist'."

Stewart had denied the offence, claiming it was caused by a misunderstanding after he had too much to drink.

The bachelor had been living in the hostel since October 2006 after moving from his council house in Girvan.

He now lives in Ayr.

A little harsh. Or at least, I think so. At least he's not a pedalphile or anything. HAHA GET IT? But yeah. Thought this was interesting.
Title: Re: A Bisexual.
Post by: Lexx on November 16, 2007, 09:03:12 pm
"Sex Offenders Register"? If you can get on it for that half of Second Life should be in jail.
Title: Re: A Bisexual.
Post by: Jack Lupino on November 16, 2007, 09:27:07 pm
Maybe if he fucked a tricicle he would've been charged with pedofilism
Title: Re: A Bisexual.
Post by: Lysix on November 16, 2007, 09:38:44 pm
pedofilism

PRO SPELLER

seriously though. sex offenders? for doing a bike? BIKES ACROSS THE WORLD ARE NO LONGER SAFE FOR AS LONG AS THIS MAN ROAMS THE STREETS.
imagine getting a job.
"any criminal record?"
"yes, i had sexual intercourse with a bicycle"
"OH MY GOD YOU MONSTER! HOW COULD YOU?"
Title: Re: A Bisexual.
Post by: L'homme magique on November 16, 2007, 09:44:38 pm
Quote
imagine getting a job.
imagine finding a place to live.
Title: Re: A Bisexual.
Post by: Gravehill on November 16, 2007, 10:36:28 pm
I have never understood why they keep on interfering on the sex life of adult and his consenting bicycle.
Title: Re: A Bisexual.
Post by: Ant on November 16, 2007, 10:52:05 pm
I have never understood why they keep on interfering on the sex life of adult and his consenting bicycle.

If he paid for that room then he should be free to do what he likes within house rules, and I doubt "No bike fucking" is in there.
Title: Re: A Bisexual.
Post by: Jack Lupino on November 16, 2007, 11:01:35 pm
pedofilism
PRO SPELLER
You failed to make sensible arguements, failed to make funny statements, failed to win, and invariably you will try to shoot yourself in the skull and fail at that too, whereupon you will accidentally shoot two house cats and a small schoolgirl.
Then you will fail to make a logical case in court, where you will fail to be found innocent, and you will go to prison, where the only thing you will succeed at is being jail raped and then murdered by a fatman..

Okay, let me rephrase: you will fail to properly protect your anus from a fatman in prison, and you will fail to have a knife-proof head, directly resulting in your subsequent failure to live, whereupon your organs will be donated to science, where your heart will fail, killing a small child, your lungs will fail, killing an elderly man, your liver will fail, killing a recovering alcoholic, and your kidneys will fail, making somebody pee everywhere.

Title: Re: A Bisexual.
Post by: Lexx on November 16, 2007, 11:58:31 pm
Copyright © BadMojo (http://bash.org/?22202)

Yeah yeah, I know you don't care.
Title: Re: A Bisexual.
Post by: Jack Lupino on November 17, 2007, 12:07:31 am
^^
Title: Re: A Bisexual.
Post by: Lysix on November 17, 2007, 12:08:08 am
You failed to make sensible arguements, failed to make funny statements, failed to win, and invariably you will try to shoot yourself in the skull and fail at that too, whereupon you will accidentally shoot two house cats and a small schoolgirl.
Then you will fail to make a logical case in court, where you will fail to be found innocent, and you will go to prison, where the only thing you will succeed at is being jail raped and then murdered by a fatman..

Okay, let me rephrase: you will fail to properly protect your anus from a fatman in prison, and you will fail to have a knife-proof head, directly resulting in your subsequent failure to live, whereupon your organs will be donated to science, where your heart will fail, killing a small child, your lungs will fail, killing an elderly man, your liver will fail, killing a recovering alcoholic, and your kidneys will fail, making somebody pee everywhere.



interesting argument (I WANT ONE, I WANT ONE), but i dont see how that relates to your spelling mistake :)
unless you can see the future!
Title: Re: A Bisexual.
Post by: Jack Lupino on November 17, 2007, 12:12:27 am
I can! Now back ontopic.
Title: Re: A Bisexual.
Post by: Pete on November 17, 2007, 01:43:47 am
'Generic Job Application Sheet:

BLah...

Blah...

Bah...

Do you have any criminal convictions?

"PLaced on sex offenders register for thre years after having been caught fucking my bicycle"'

Oh my.
Title: Re: A Bisexual.
Post by: Torp v2.0 on November 19, 2007, 01:25:37 am
And here I was expecting that you would be coming out of the closet, Annie.
Title: Re: A Bisexual.
Post by: SpeedD on November 19, 2007, 05:30:49 pm
Gah!

Now I've got Queen's Bicycle Race in my head...

Bicycle
Bicycle
Bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle

I want to ride my bike
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride it where I like
Title: Re: A Bisexual.
Post by: WereVolvo on November 19, 2007, 07:39:28 pm
Methinks this topic will bicycle race into Random before too long...
Title: Re: A Bisexual.
Post by: Annie on November 19, 2007, 09:01:13 pm
And here I was expecting that you would be coming out of the closet, Annie.

YOU WISH.

Oh and, if a thread is thrown into Random, do all the posts that were made there turn into NOTHING? Like, Does your post count go down?
Title: Re: A Bisexual.
Post by: MDX on November 19, 2007, 09:01:52 pm
Nope just the new posts you make do not count.
Title: Re: A Bisexual.
Post by: Annie on November 19, 2007, 09:05:35 pm
AWESOME. I'll be at 300 soon! But yeah, don't they have dildos on bikes in Russia or something? I read a comic on that once..
Title: Re: A Bisexual.
Post by: WereVolvo on November 19, 2007, 09:21:34 pm
no, actually the post count will go down and the posts count for nothing, IIRC
/me points to the experimental thread Torp made just to check whether this happened.
Title: Re: A Bisexual.
Post by: MDX on November 19, 2007, 09:44:27 pm
Then the book i just wrote on 'posts sent to a random forum' is tarnished forever, mump, bring me the flames of failure. I have work to burn.
Title: Re: A Bisexual.
Post by: Annie on November 20, 2007, 09:46:57 am
God damn. Did I really put this thread in the Technology part? I swear to god I put it under General..
Title: Re: A Bisexual.
Post by: Laser.T on November 20, 2007, 11:05:43 am
Well, it's Random now so it's irrelevant.
Title: Re: A Bisexual.
Post by: Ant on November 20, 2007, 03:11:11 pm
Well, it's Random now so it's irrelevant.

You're irrelevant!
Title: Re: A Bisexual.
Post by: Torp v2.0 on November 20, 2007, 05:31:29 pm
God damn. Did I really put this thread in the Technology part? I swear to god I put it under General..

No. It was in General. The Technology thing just refers to an experiement of mine, where I made a thread in Tech, checked my post-count, then moved it to random and re-checked my post count.

And here I was expecting that you would be coming out of the closet, Annie.

YOU WISH.

I don't really have a wish for you to do so. I was just crossing my fingers for Ant. ;D
Title: Re: A Bisexual.
Post by: Ant on November 20, 2007, 05:34:48 pm
DAMNIT MAN CROSS YOUR TOES AS WELL!
Title: Re: A Bisexual.
Post by: evilcandybag on November 20, 2007, 05:46:24 pm
DAMNIT MAN CROSS YOUR TOES AS WELL!

FFS, I was crossing all I could, but now I'm hungry so I can't be arsed to keep it up.
Title: Re: A Bisexual.
Post by: Torp v2.0 on November 20, 2007, 06:21:24 pm
DAMNIT MAN CROSS YOUR TOES AS WELL!

Too late, man. Sorry.
Title: Re: A Bisexual.
Post by: Laser.T on November 20, 2007, 07:26:32 pm
Well, it's Random now so it's irrelevant.

You're irrelevant!

no u
Title: Re: A Bisexual.
Post by: MDX on November 20, 2007, 07:27:10 pm
Well, it's Random now so it's irrelevant.

You're irrelevant!

no u

wtfpwned.
Title: Re: A Bisexual.
Post by: Ant on November 20, 2007, 10:32:06 pm
Indeed ;-;
Title: Re: A Bisexual.
Post by: WereVolvo on November 20, 2007, 10:47:13 pm
this thread needs moar sex and kinky stuff
Title: Re: A Bisexual.
Post by: cloudstrifex on November 21, 2007, 07:00:13 pm
WHAP
Title: Re: A Bisexual.
Post by: MDX on November 21, 2007, 07:16:35 pm
this thread needs moar sex and kinky stuff

no u
Title: Re: A Bisexual.
Post by: Laser.T on November 22, 2007, 02:00:57 am
this thread needs moar sex and kinky stuff

no u

owned
Title: Re: A Bisexual.
Post by: Gravehill on November 22, 2007, 02:05:11 am
this thread needs moar sex and kinky stuff
(http://gearwestbike.com/merchant/746/images/site/bigTri_Road%20Bike%20copy.jpg)
Title: Re: A Bisexual.
Post by: SpeedD on November 22, 2007, 02:41:52 am
GRAVEHILL! You of all people should know we don't tollerate that here! Link to the picture and place a "Not Safe For Work" warning on the link.

I'm ashamed of you, good sir.
Title: Re: A Bisexual.
Post by: Gravehill on November 22, 2007, 02:37:53 pm
Sorry... I just thought that since it was not in indecent pose it had more artistic values but I guess you're right. But what can I do? I'm little ashamed but still I can't resist. They are SO hot... Gasp... Just thinking that previous in combo with THIS :
(http://www.ibexwear.com/Photos/F07/7071_8990.jpg)

What a pleasure it would be...
Title: Re: A Bisexual.
Post by: Annie on November 22, 2007, 05:49:22 pm
Keep tight pants and bulges out of my thread plx. D:
Title: Re: A Bisexual.
Post by: Ant on November 22, 2007, 05:54:03 pm
And there was me about to post mine.
Title: Re: A Bisexual.
Post by: Annie on November 22, 2007, 05:55:10 pm
;D

See, if you did that, then everyone would just get jealous... Thus why I say NAY!
Title: Re: A Bisexual.
Post by: Jack Lupino on November 22, 2007, 07:04:16 pm
GRAVEhill i will get you for this.

i was browsing the forums at work and some fucking dumbass saw the pants and looked weird at me >_<
Title: Re: A Bisexual.
Post by: Gravehill on November 23, 2007, 12:58:11 am
GRAVEhill i will get you for this.

i was browsing the forums at work and some fucking dumbass saw the pants and looked weird at me >_<

...weirdly? But you was just browsing biking forum!

Seriously thou... I once walked whole day dressed up in women's biking pants (tight ones). It was rather humiliating, especially when they got wet (I dived around one fountain at city center... boy that water tasted BAD). Enjoyed every minute of it.
Title: Re: A Bisexual.
Post by: Laser.T on November 23, 2007, 01:14:36 am
GRAVEhill i will get you for this.

i was browsing the forums at work and some fucking dumbass saw the pants and looked weird at me >_<

...weirdly? But you was just browsing biking forum!

Seriously thou... I once walked whole day dressed up in women's biking pants (tight ones). It was rather humiliating, especially when they got wet (I dived around one fountain at city center... boy that water tasted BAD). Enjoyed every minute of it.

Care to explain why? Or was it just for fun?
Title: Re: A Bisexual.
Post by: Gravehill on November 23, 2007, 02:25:29 am
It was one of the bachelor party jokes they planned for me. They were gentle towards me, it was fun. Too bad whole costume stink really bad after my swimming trip and also it was hard to walk with the diving fins at the streets. Walking at pavement was hard in the first place (in some point I realized that most easiest way was to walk backwards) but when fins were filled with water it was even more difficult.
Title: Re: A Bisexual.
Post by: tracer on December 02, 2007, 06:39:27 pm
Why didn't he ride away?
Title: Re: A Bisexual.
Post by: Gravehill on December 02, 2007, 11:39:49 pm
Maybe his bike was exhausted from their previous act?
Title: Re: A Bisexual.
Post by: tracer on December 03, 2007, 11:38:53 pm
I tried to think of something witty to say to that, and I couldn't.
Title: Re: A Bisexual.
Post by: Jack Lupino on December 03, 2007, 11:52:43 pm
I tried to think of something witty to say to that, and I couldn't.
You need more experience at this forum, laddy!
Title: Re: A Bisexual.
Post by: evilcandybag on December 04, 2007, 01:23:55 am
I tried to think of something witty to say to that, and I couldn't.
You need more experience at this forum, laddy!

Experience? More like hazardous radiation, TBH.
Title: Re: A Bisexual.
Post by: Fallout on December 04, 2007, 01:43:11 am
Did someone say radiation?
Title: Re: A Bisexual.
Post by: Gravehill on December 04, 2007, 02:51:52 am
I tried to think of something witty to say to that, and I couldn't.
Yeah, doing it without enough lubing oil on friction surfaces is kinda exhausting.