Laziness*
Okay, that was tl;dr, but I approve of your general musings thread. Just remember not to lapse into mental masturbation!
Well, shit. I've just found out something insignificant. From Urban Dictionary:
facebitch
A special friend acquired predominetly through Facebook
"Ian, how's your facebitch doing? Have you even had a conversation with her that wasn't through Facebook?"
"I don't even know where I met you
but the facebitch won't let me forget you"
Here I was, thinking that Robz0rz just invented an affectionate way to call Facebook by. But apparently, a facebitch is kind of a person. :\
Too bad. I like to call Twitter "Twatter" or "Shitter", but got nothing of the sort for Facebook.
That's because I don't like social media. It's all fine and cool, but when you've spent fourteen years (out of 21) mostly using the computer, you kind of want to stop it badly. Then you figure out you're addicted. And can't stop until the computer is taken away from you. Kinda stinks.
(Which is why I write here, because in my attempts to disappear from the net, I no longer have any blogs.)
Also I kind of don't like that Mark Zuckerberg guy. I mean, how he started by stealing others' secrets in his university. (In this case, female students' profile pictures, or something.) I guess he is brilliant, but at the same time kind of a jerk. Now, Julian Assange does similar things, but concerning governments' secrets. And somehow he is the villain.
Lymphocite: "only a nuke could help here" - sounds like the plot of the game, Ace Combat Zero, to me... Though in the game it was used for slightly different reasons (to end all wars, lol).
Well it's okay to emigrate, I guess. Nationalism is bad, I suppose, so you should not listen to people who say "[country] for [people from the country]" ("polska dla polaków!" etc.), basically forcing people to stay in the country they're born in and not go elsewhere.
Some of us, like me, feel the need to stay. Because, well, my country is where home is. Gonna make a nerdy analogy here. Have you played GTA: San Andreas? Just like Sweet Johnson, I could just leave this place and reap the PROFITS somewhere else, but damn man. Gotta stay here and help all I can.
But don't listen to me, I'm just depressed.
I am actually preparing to live at below the minimum wage. And I ruminate on the past a lot. A waste of time, but that's how I roll. Basically, I am going to fail my studies, again (computer studies this time). I won't have any degree, so I'll have to do some manual work. IF I find a job at all.
Basically, anything to not live at the country's or my parents' expense. I don't want to leech money from other people any longer. (Remember Amber Gold, by the way? Heheh... You've gotta be a dick to exploit other people's naiveté). I want to repay the debt somehow.
And you know how depression mixes up with those grim perspectives. You think somewhere along the line: "wouldn't it be better for everyone if I just offed myself?". But that's thinking too much. Nobody knows the future. And as long as you have one person worth living for, I suppose you shouldn't do that.
That money, man. I fantasize a lot about how I would give all of it away, if I had a substantial amounts of it. The furthest I've gone was giving 20PLN to some Gypsy begging on the street, and promptly getting bitched on by people I told about it.
It kinda depresses me that I've already got a loan to pay. (Student's loan or however you call it.) I mean, my parents will probably have to repay it, which is a shame.
I gotta find a physical job. Something a drone could do. Just to help build this place and make it better. I like entertainment, but... I don't even know.
We're a sad nation, aren't we.
And of course the only thing that promises that things would get better eventually is religion. Well, a friend of mine once stated that religion is for the weak, who are unable to face reality and have to explain their failures instead of working towards better future. Now, I'm not into religion-bashing, nor a devotee. I suppose some money from time to time seems a fair price for fantasies about the afterlife.
But man, I've been reading up on Hinduism, and it is depressing. Nothing is real, all is one and the final goal is to stop existing altogether and reunite with the transcendent "one".
With nothing to excuse the failures... I keep wasting time. Many billions throughout history died as pawns, fighting on battlefields for charismatic dwarfs or batshit insane psychopaths, working to make other people's dreams come true, doing nothing in particular. We are the vast majority. We live as other people told us to, and then we die. And that's it. It's not tragic or dramatic.
Always ahead of the truth in us. Longing to be more than we are just because. Time holds a candle for each of us - don't let it burn without meaning or a cause. That stresses me out to no end. What if I fail? Haven't countless billions died that way? No matter what you say, I cannot feel any better about my situation.
