Some things.

[Blastyr]

Sigh. It feels like I'm really depressed right now. I mean, I really need a boyfriend TBH. I know this isn't the place to cry about it (or is it) but ah well.
Sometimes I wish I was straight. Would've been so much easier that way. Sometimes girls tell me I'm kind of cute. Why can't I just use that.
Riax, would you help me out here...

Aw, cheer up man. *hugs*

I remember feeling similarly (wishing I was straight) in the past, and I can tell you it does nothing to help. Truthfully, my love life might indeed be less complicated if I were straight, but my preference for the same gender adds to what makes me, me, just as much as my taste in food or music; I wouldn't be the same person if I weren't gay. Wishing to be something you aren't is tantamount to wishing you didn't exist, in my opinion. You seem to be a really nice guy, so it would be a shame if the world were without you.

I also know the feeling of just wanting a boyfriend. It's best to just let things come naturally. Just make friends, and if you end up having chemistry with any of them, you can then pursue a deeper relationship. I've found this works much better than seeking people out for the purpose of establishing a romantic relationship off the bat.

[machinaeFREAK]

Ah, thanks man

/swipes away tears

Well, here's maybe hope. Some of my friends are organizing this LAN which lasts from tomorrow until friday. I told 1 of them if we might go to a bar of cafe during that time, you know, I might hook up with someone. He agreed and told me he totally understands, he's so nice.

But I don't have any special feelings for him.

I overthought (?) some things about what I'm gonna 'do' about my 'gayness'. First of all, it was ofcourse a mistake to think it would be better if I were straight. For me, straight feels so plain, so boring. Gay is much more fun IMO

Second, I'm not going to tell my family until at least my grandparents are dead, and then still not tell my father's family; they're catholics and although they don't dislike gay people, I've never heard them talk about it or anything else. My mother's side won't mind, except they're going to ask me why I hated so much on my own 'kind' for the last years; it wasn't really hate, it was more something I couldn't relate to very well, which was answered with prejudice.

What might be a problem is me being extremely picky. Ah well, there's someone for everyone in the world

Update: So I told 3 'acquaintances' or something. They took it pretty well and were proud of me telling them it.

[Tim] Has earned the achievement [Out of that closet!] ''Tell 5 random close friends that you are gay. Reward: Title <is proud of himself>''