Author Topic: The Lateral Thinking Contest  (Read 24918 times)

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Lysix

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Re: The Lateral Thinking Contest
« Reply #60 on: December 13, 2007, 11:58:33 pm »
The man was previously in a survival situation and lost at sea. While incapacitated from his injuries, he was kept alive by the other survivors by eating what they told him was "albatross soup". The soup he ordered at the restaurant tasted completely different and it was at this moment that he concluded that the soup he had previously eaten while stranded was not made with flesh of an albatross. The only other meat available during their survival situation, human flesh—corpse or otherwise, must have been used for the soup. Confronted with this revelation, he commits suicide. A variation is that his best friend may have been among those who were also injured and sacrificed (or murdered) to keep the others alive and the guilt is what drives him to commit suicide.

just a shot in the dark. XD

Offline evilcandybag

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Re: The Lateral Thinking Contest
« Reply #61 on: December 14, 2007, 12:19:25 am »
He is having a competition with his friends about who can behave the most irrationally.
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Offline Moheeheeko

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Re: The Lateral Thinking Contest
« Reply #62 on: December 14, 2007, 12:24:35 am »
the mans dead wife used to make albatros soup, upon the taste of this soup, he remebered her and felt he could no longer live in a world without her


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Offline Pete

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Re: The Lateral Thinking Contest
« Reply #63 on: December 14, 2007, 12:29:06 am »
 He takes one sip of the soup, but decides to empty his stomach before the meal as he's feeling a little bloated. He unintentionally kills himself when his horrible case of wind blows his intestinal tract out through his anus and kills him as it implodes his diaphragm causing him to suffocate as his lungs collapse.

Offline Jack Lupino

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Re: The Lateral Thinking Contest
« Reply #64 on: December 14, 2007, 01:04:41 am »
I think he discovered you shouldn't bite bowls

Offline PrescriptiveBarony

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Re: The Lateral Thinking Contest
« Reply #65 on: December 14, 2007, 07:33:41 am »
In a series of supernatural but phenomenally boring events, a bobcat is transmogrified into a man. At first confused, he then realizes the providence that has befallen him. No more hunting in the dirty wild for raw meat! No longer will he have to run for his life regularly! After acquiring some change from some charitable passers-by, and also learning to read, he realizes he's quite hungry. He wanders about the wharf, staring hungrily into the sky at the circling birds.

"Hey, you!"

He turns to his left.

"Yeah, you. Come over here for a second."

Intrigued, he walks toward the man talking to him.

"alright, shut up, give me all your money."

"Mragh?"

"I said, gimme your wallet. come on!"

By this point, he can tell that this man is no good. He starts to bare his teeth and growl.

"The fuck, man? Fuckin hand it over! I got a gun!"

The man brandishes one of those rock-sticks that killed his mother. He pounces.

---

He stuffs the rock-stick in his fake fur. He is pretty confident now. He will find the man who killed his mother, and use the rock-stick on him instead. he will kill all the men who have caused him such pain over the years.

But first, he is still very hungry. He continues walking down the wharf, dismissing the culinary possibilities presented by most of the menus. Fish and chips, pizza, clam chowder. Whatever. What he wants is the biggest bird he can find. his mouth is watering insatiably. Finally, he sees a stand with a picture of one of the large overhead birds on it. Eyes wide, he runs up to the stand and points at the picture. He sounds out the word next to it.

"Al-bay-tross.. san-dwitch!"

"Comin up, sir."

The clerk hands him a wrapped item, warmer than his mother's own bosom. He wanders off as the clerk yells something about money. Sitting on a bench and more excited than he's ever been to eat, he takes a bite.

... Ew. While he recognizes the taste as bird-like, he does not enjoy it in the least. To his horror, the bread surrounding it tastes better. The paper containing everything tastes almost as bad as the bird. This is terrible. His excitement wanes. What good is life if one cannot enjoy the simple pleasures? None at all, that's what good.

He remembers the rock-stick, fishes it out from his fake fur, and prepares to join his mother.


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Offline Jack Lupino

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Re: The Lateral Thinking Contest
« Reply #66 on: December 14, 2007, 11:14:32 am »
Legend. +1

Offline Torp v2.0

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Re: The Lateral Thinking Contest
« Reply #67 on: December 14, 2007, 01:19:02 pm »
The man was previously in a survival situation and lost at sea. While incapacitated from his injuries, he was kept alive by the other survivors by eating what they told him was "albatross soup". The soup he ordered at the restaurant tasted completely different and it was at this moment that he concluded that the soup he had previously eaten while stranded was not made with flesh of an albatross. The only other meat available during their survival situation, human flesh—corpse or otherwise, must have been used for the soup. Confronted with this revelation, he commits suicide. A variation is that his best friend may have been among those who were also injured and sacrificed (or murdered) to keep the others alive and the guilt is what drives him to commit suicide.

just a shot in the dark. XD


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Smeagol

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Re: The Lateral Thinking Contest
« Reply #68 on: December 14, 2007, 07:10:03 pm »
Point taken.

Winner should be obvious.

Prespby is up to bat for the epic answer.

Offline Jack Lupino

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Re: The Lateral Thinking Contest
« Reply #69 on: December 15, 2007, 02:47:25 am »
who are we going to bat to death this time!

Offline PrescriptiveBarony

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Re: The Lateral Thinking Contest
« Reply #70 on: December 15, 2007, 03:56:56 am »
A naked man is lying face down in the desert, dead. He has a match in his hand but nothing else. what happened?



He was with several others in a hot air balloon crossing the
desert.  The balloon was punctured and they began to lose altitude.
They tossed all their non-essentials overboard, then their clothing and
food, but were still going to crash in the middle of the desert.
Finally, they drew matches to see who would jump over the side and save
the others; this man lost.


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Offline Ratti

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Re: The Lateral Thinking Contest
« Reply #71 on: December 15, 2007, 10:10:35 am »
The man's name was Joe Smith (no, really), and he was born to an American soldier also named Joe Smith and some woman who probably died at his birth in Southern Germany (because his father got stationed there after WWII). He grew up listening to his father's war time stories of survival under extreme circumstances, spending nights on the battlefield in winter almost freezing to the ground, killing the enemy with no more than a branch broken off some tree. When his father died due to spontaneous combustion, Joe vowed to honour his life.
"I will run one time around the entire world to tell everyone the stories of what a great man you were, pops. You had to fight with branches, so I will only take a match with me! You shivered in your uniform, so I will go naked!"

At least he got till Africa.

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Re: The Lateral Thinking Contest
« Reply #72 on: December 17, 2007, 02:41:21 am »
He walked on desert at night. Everything was really dark so he ignited match. However he had wandered to place where oil pipe was broken just a bit. Some oil has leaked and vaporized. Man walked to the gas cloud with his burning match, that ignited gas and explosion shredded poor guys clothes off. At the same time blast wave made him fly about thirty metres and so he landed dead, naked and face down to the land. And as the desperate man in darkness holds that only source of light very tightly so did this man too. Even after death.
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Offline cloudstrifex

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Re: The Lateral Thinking Contest
« Reply #73 on: December 18, 2007, 04:55:23 am »
The man was obviously streaking with the sand people. After they set up camp at night they decided to light each other's farts on fire but the guy didn't realize he had to shart and so the flame spread to his entire body and while he was running around one of the sand people threw whiskey on him thinking it was apple juice and the poor guy was burnt to a crisp. Those sand people and their crazy parties.

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Re: The Lateral Thinking Contest
« Reply #74 on: December 18, 2007, 04:14:04 pm »
He tried to fry the sand and some ice cream. But the sand got pissed and killed him.