Author Topic: A Bisexual.  (Read 13262 times)

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Annie

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A Bisexual.
« on: November 16, 2007, 09:01:06 pm »
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/glasgow_and_west/7095134.stm

Quote
A man caught trying to have sex with his bicycle has been sentenced to three years on probation.

Robert Stewart, 51, admitted a sexually aggravated breach of the peace by conducting himself in a disorderly manner and simulating sex.

Sheriff Colin Miller also placed Stewart on the Sex Offenders Register for three years.

Mr Stewart was caught in the act with his bicycle by cleaners in his bedroom at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr.

Gail Davidson, prosecuting, told Ayr Sheriff Court: "They knocked on the door several times and there was no reply.

"They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white t-shirt, naked from the waist down.

"The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex."

Both cleaners, who were "extremely shocked", told the hostel manager who called police.

Sheriff Colin Miller told Stewart: "In almost four decades in the law I thought I had come across every perversion known to mankind, but this is a new one on me. I have never heard of a 'cycle-sexualist'."

Stewart had denied the offence, claiming it was caused by a misunderstanding after he had too much to drink.

The bachelor had been living in the hostel since October 2006 after moving from his council house in Girvan.

He now lives in Ayr.

A little harsh. Or at least, I think so. At least he's not a pedalphile or anything. HAHA GET IT? But yeah. Thought this was interesting.

Offline Lexx

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Re: A Bisexual.
« Reply #1 on: November 16, 2007, 09:03:12 pm »
"Sex Offenders Register"? If you can get on it for that half of Second Life should be in jail.
DRAMA

Offline Jack Lupino

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Re: A Bisexual.
« Reply #2 on: November 16, 2007, 09:27:07 pm »
Maybe if he fucked a tricicle he would've been charged with pedofilism

Lysix

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Re: A Bisexual.
« Reply #3 on: November 16, 2007, 09:38:44 pm »
pedofilism

PRO SPELLER

seriously though. sex offenders? for doing a bike? BIKES ACROSS THE WORLD ARE NO LONGER SAFE FOR AS LONG AS THIS MAN ROAMS THE STREETS.
imagine getting a job.
"any criminal record?"
"yes, i had sexual intercourse with a bicycle"
"OH MY GOD YOU MONSTER! HOW COULD YOU?"

Offline L'homme magique

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Re: A Bisexual.
« Reply #4 on: November 16, 2007, 09:44:38 pm »
Quote
imagine getting a job.
imagine finding a place to live.
"It's like growing up reading good books or listening to good music. One good sofa breeds another good sofa; one bad sofa breeds another bad sofa. That's how it goes."

Offline Gravehill

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Re: A Bisexual.
« Reply #5 on: November 16, 2007, 10:36:28 pm »
I have never understood why they keep on interfering on the sex life of adult and his consenting bicycle.
Random ramblings and furious feminine novels per versatility.

Offline Ant

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Re: A Bisexual.
« Reply #6 on: November 16, 2007, 10:52:05 pm »
I have never understood why they keep on interfering on the sex life of adult and his consenting bicycle.

If he paid for that room then he should be free to do what he likes within house rules, and I doubt "No bike fucking" is in there.
But if one day we meet together while I'm drunk, I promise you to draw a big group sex picture including a lot of forumites. :D

Ich bin ein Berliner, Frankfurter, Hamburger und Bonner

Offline Jack Lupino

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Re: A Bisexual.
« Reply #7 on: November 16, 2007, 11:01:35 pm »
pedofilism
PRO SPELLER
You failed to make sensible arguements, failed to make funny statements, failed to win, and invariably you will try to shoot yourself in the skull and fail at that too, whereupon you will accidentally shoot two house cats and a small schoolgirl.
Then you will fail to make a logical case in court, where you will fail to be found innocent, and you will go to prison, where the only thing you will succeed at is being jail raped and then murdered by a fatman..

Okay, let me rephrase: you will fail to properly protect your anus from a fatman in prison, and you will fail to have a knife-proof head, directly resulting in your subsequent failure to live, whereupon your organs will be donated to science, where your heart will fail, killing a small child, your lungs will fail, killing an elderly man, your liver will fail, killing a recovering alcoholic, and your kidneys will fail, making somebody pee everywhere.

« Last Edit: November 16, 2007, 11:03:41 pm by Jack Lupino »

Offline Lexx

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Re: A Bisexual.
« Reply #8 on: November 16, 2007, 11:58:31 pm »
Copyright © BadMojo

Yeah yeah, I know you don't care.
DRAMA

Offline Jack Lupino

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Re: A Bisexual.
« Reply #9 on: November 17, 2007, 12:07:31 am »
^^

Lysix

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Re: A Bisexual.
« Reply #10 on: November 17, 2007, 12:08:08 am »
You failed to make sensible arguements, failed to make funny statements, failed to win, and invariably you will try to shoot yourself in the skull and fail at that too, whereupon you will accidentally shoot two house cats and a small schoolgirl.
Then you will fail to make a logical case in court, where you will fail to be found innocent, and you will go to prison, where the only thing you will succeed at is being jail raped and then murdered by a fatman..

Okay, let me rephrase: you will fail to properly protect your anus from a fatman in prison, and you will fail to have a knife-proof head, directly resulting in your subsequent failure to live, whereupon your organs will be donated to science, where your heart will fail, killing a small child, your lungs will fail, killing an elderly man, your liver will fail, killing a recovering alcoholic, and your kidneys will fail, making somebody pee everywhere.



interesting argument (I WANT ONE, I WANT ONE), but i dont see how that relates to your spelling mistake :)
unless you can see the future!

Offline Jack Lupino

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Re: A Bisexual.
« Reply #11 on: November 17, 2007, 12:12:27 am »
I can! Now back ontopic.

Offline Pete

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Re: A Bisexual.
« Reply #12 on: November 17, 2007, 01:43:47 am »
'Generic Job Application Sheet:

BLah...

Blah...

Bah...

Do you have any criminal convictions?

"PLaced on sex offenders register for thre years after having been caught fucking my bicycle"'

Oh my.

Offline Torp v2.0

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Re: A Bisexual.
« Reply #13 on: November 19, 2007, 01:25:37 am »
And here I was expecting that you would be coming out of the closet, Annie.
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Offline SpeedD

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Re: A Bisexual.
« Reply #14 on: November 19, 2007, 05:30:49 pm »
Gah!

Now I've got Queen's Bicycle Race in my head...

Bicycle
Bicycle
Bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle

I want to ride my bike
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride it where I like
"What I felt was turned, in the tempest forged to hate. My soul I disconnected, and called out the Lightbringer to the gate."