I think we should baptise this thread to the universal : "Help with your relation thread"
As for Fallout, the main thing I put my vibe recently down to is the decision I made to have fun and make meeting women a game. Let's push their buttons this way and see how they respond. What will they do if I say this etc. When I meet someone I'm thinking "What can I learn from you? What fun can I have relating to you?" rather than "Wow, you're gorgeous. Oh shit! What do I say? Do I look OK? Will you like me? ", which are some of the thoughts that used to run through my mind. Its a lot like a rpg game, but saying the wrong shit doesn't make you laugh. Well perhaps it does, but it won't get you anywhere further than a slap in your face.
You basically just gotta get the fuck up and do it. Of course you're feeling uncomfortable the first couple of times, but you just gotta get good at talking. Because as you know, you can only improve your skills by doing it.
Doesn't that fall broadly under the 'treating people as object' category?
Does it? To a degree, maybe it does. The part about pushing buttons and see how they respond certainly sounds like it. But the goal is to find out which buttons to push to make the woman feel good. Because making her feel good means making her want you. That's a simple and basic part of human interaction: We strive towards feeling good (though some of us have fucked up ways of feeling good that require others to feel bad, or ourselves to feel bad). And to be able to make her feel good, you have to learn which buttons to press. And there's only one way you can do that: by experimenting, testing, trying out and learning from both mistakes and bullseye hits.
So yes, thinking like that is taking a step back to look at it all from an objective point of view.The objective is to have fun, and to do so, you need to make the other person have fun as well. Unless you get off on other peoples suffering, shared joy is indeed twice the joy.
That aint a social phobia. That's just unsociable.
No he's definitely scared of making friends, he refuses to go out anywhere apart from going to school and he's only nice to people he's known for a looooong time
Social phobia and unsocialness/antisociality are 2 completely different things.
Yes, but agressiveness towards others might well be a defense mechanism of social phobia. You're afraid of rejection, and what is the best way to never get rejected? Reject anyone who approach you before they get a chance to do so themselves.
Back on the topic of getting Fallout laid. Rad and I have, between us, given you sound advice that should get you laid, if you just followed it. So let's rehash.
1. Read
the guide I gave you. Not everything in there is neccecarily good for you, but it should give you some good ideas. Then re-read the Getting Started/Experiment section, or just read the post by Rad quoted at the top of this post. ( :-D @ Rad )
2. Make sure you don't look like a bum. Make sure you don't smell like one either. Adding a bit of cologne might help.
3. Go out somewhere where there are girls. If you're studying, well, you know where to go. Coffee bars are also good. In the summer, parks will have numerous girls hanging out just enjoying life. See if you can find a girl sitting by herself. Ask her if the seat is taken. If she says no, sit down. If there's no girls sitting by themselves, try the same on a group. The place is probably crowded, so there's no table that's completely empty, and you have to sit with someone...
4. Start talking to her. You're sitting there, enjoying the coffee, so why not. It's almost always more fun to talk to someone than to read the newspaper, isn't it? Ask her questions that she can't answer with yes or no.
5. Voila, you've met and are talking with a good-looking girl. Now comes the hard part, but what works for you here, you'll have to figure out yourself.
Nightclubs and the like are probably a better place to go if you plan just to get laid, but I don't know a single couple that met in a nightclub*, so I've concluded that it's a bad place if you want something more, which if I've understood correctly, is what you want.
*I probably know people who have gotten together after a night on town, but these people did not meet in the nightclub.
