http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SfmSykhuuNwYou what's up man i heard you got a new guitar
Oh yeah, that's sure alright, its so awesome
Oh yeah, tell me about that shit
Oh yeah, its got like all these strings and everything but you know what
As a matter of fact, i'll play a song.
Its about last christmas.
And i'll begin with the Christmas tree selection.
See man, i got these allergies right,
Now its just my girlfriend wants me to get an artificial jesus christmas
Cos' they're all so cool and they won't make a smell like a whole forest
And its driving me fucking insane
And it'll be easier to assemble, and they'll last for like forever or something
But she was like -
No, no, no, we needed a real christmas tree
Because it's the year of the season and all this bullshit
You know, i'm sorry, because i was on holiday and everything and
I was like oh well, i'm sorry that you're sorry so i went to the wall-mart
In order to make an oderly impression so i just figured
Fuck it right, so anyways she just went and we picked out a tree and i was like
"We're gonna get a real christmas tree."
So anyways i was carrying this motherfucker to my car
And i was getting sap all over my jacket and the smell was driving me fucking insane
And i couldn't take it but maybe i figured maybe i should just chill out its christmas after all
So i looked at my girlfriend and said
"Baby, baby, what do you want for christmas?"
And she looked at me with those innocent eyes
Eyes as innocent as a child porn actress or some shit
And she said what i need was some fucking birthday omass with fresh kite (?)
And she couldn't even pronounce it right
So i went over to the freaking perfume shop
And i walked in, and the smell just fucking overpowered me from my already sharp nose
It was so cold, and ontop of that i smelled the fucking christmas tree all way on the ride home
And i asked her, i was like : "Do you have this perfume of this french guy? I think he's gay or some shit"
And she was like : "Ooh yes! Yes, we have that right over here!"
I was like, you gotta be fucking kidding me
It was like an impression game and you already know what i want?
And she handed it to me and i bought it and it was like a hundred and fucking eighty dollars or some shit
But i got it, because i love my girlfriend
And then i went home and i wrapped it, and put it under the christmas tree,
And then my girlfriend came to me and said, "Baby, lets go to midnight mass"
She was like "Honey come on" And i was like "No, i'm sorry, i don't feel like doing all that crazy shit"
But it was the christmas season so i went and we went there and i was falling asleep in the chair so i felt bad
So i asked for some coffee.
Who the fuck has coffee at midnight, i can't believe that shit!
I'll wake up in the morning and my coal is gonna fall outta my ass
But i did it baby! All for you! I stayed wide awake and we went home.
Before i knew it, it was christmas.
So your parents came over, and it all just got fucked up because they're so cool
Like your mom is super hot, with the platinum blonde hair and i'm sure those tits are fake
And your dad looks like he smoked a joint since last sixteen (?)
And then you're such a bitch you got your christmas gift and you sprayed like six doses on your neck
And i made me fucking sick, and before i could do anything else i just,
The doorbell rings, and i open up the door and there's like all these christmas kids
And i'm like : "WHAT DO YOU WANT?"
And he said :
"Ello. I'm going to sing you a song."
*Incoherent babble singing*
Man, you got tourettes or something, that's why i close the door
Get a fucking clue, stop singing, stop singing!
Oh yeah, yeah, walk away, walk away. Sing to yourself, walk away.
Ok that's good. Thank you. Thank you.
--
So anyways i walked back in the house and my girlfriend came up to me and gave me a hug
And its just on my fucking birthday and the fucking tree and those fucking cats just made my nose bleed
So just stand back real quick, and that's a good thing because i puke all over the floor
And she's just "Oh my god i can't believe you puked all over the floor in front of my parents it was so gross!"
And i was like "Look bitch, SHUT THE FUCK UP"
And all of a sudden her mom started freaking out like someone called her a bitch one time too many in the past
I mean like really crying her eyes out, and it was so fucked up because like,
I thought she had it together but then her dad came up to her and put his arm around her
And shes like "Get away from me you baby killer!"
And that was just a whole bunch of problems that i didn't want to get into so i focussed back at my girlfriend
And i was like "Man look, you haven't even asked me what i wanted for christmas!"
"But that's okay, i mean there's like a gift underneath the tree, but i probably don't want it"
"I don't even want it because you never even asked me what i wanted but that's okay man."
"Because i know what i want for christmas. I want you, the FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE!"
- Hey man, that's some crazy shit. But anyways, check out what i got for christmas!
- A new set of drums, man, this is gonna be the shit.
*Cue crazy drumming, screaming*
Copyright Bulb
Transcribed By Jack Lupino
I was bored..
