Girls are bitches (apart from ming)

[SpeedD]

Fuck girls.

There. I said it.

[cloudstrifex]

Yeah I agree with daYak. Meet with her and let her know you're over her but if she tries to get back with you don't fall for it just leave.

[Gravehill]

First of all it's always easy to throw on advices how to play when you're not playing on the field. Advice is cheap but payback is hell. Just think it about this way : whatever I, for example, say it really does not matter.

If I say no, what about then? You do as I say and then after five years you suddenly meet her with husband and kids and see how happy she is. She looks at you, smiles sadly to you and you KNOW : she was changed and that happy man at her side - IT COULD HAVE BEEN YOU. At this precise moment you curse me and my advices and curse yourself for being stupid as you believed what I said. You loved her once and you could have achieved everything that you wanted back then years ago. Bitterness, jealousy, rage and sadness? Pretty much yes if you were not at same situation yourself : with wife you love most in the world, maybe couple of adorable little kids with you. It's very probable that anything of this will never happen. Still, because I don't want nobody cursing me and my advices it would not be wise to say NO because it still might happen even if it's very remote possibility.

If I say yes, what about then? You meet her and seems to be changed. You feel sorry for her and you decide to be friends. Everything is fine and your emotions keep getting warmer. You end up being with her.  Some time, even years go by. Then one day you learn that she has deceived you once more. Nothing has changed and she hurts you more than ever. She absolutely rips your heart to pieces and leaves you as a broken man behind. Bitterness, disappointment, rage and sadness? Yes, if she has not really changed and this scenario becomes true which is, again, very improbable. Still, you might end up cursing me and my advices so it would not be wise to say YES.

First of all, I don't know her. I don't know what she's alike. I don't know about YOUR dreams, fears and how strong you are. I don't know what you're cabable of. I can say what I've learned about myself, thou. Decision is up to you.

I sit here now with this question in my head, should i go and meet up with her? Is this all she wants? or could she try again for me? And whats more, would i be stupid enough to let her pull me in again, or is it worth trying again. The only reason i stuck with her was because i loved her so much. I believed i could change her ways if i just stuck with her, stayed faithful and by her side, helping her with whatever, whenever. But it never worked then, if she really is changed, like i always wished she'd become, is it worth another try? or should i just keep moving on, and not open this door again?

I ask your forum opinions. And karma is optional in this situation. To me, but to you all, i shall happily applaud for your useful feedback. Gravehill? *cough*

Meeting someone is not a bad thing if that certain someone does not have a loaded gun with him. Does she have loaded gun? She does know your weaknesses and you have still feelings toward her. This were easier question for you to answer (you would not be asking them here anyway) if you did not have them. You know your feelings. Now weight them. Measure them up and do not ask what's that she really wants but ask WHAT DO YOU WANT. Do you want to see her? Do you even want to chat with her even when you have your doubts? What it tells that you have doubts even when she asks you merely to chat over coffee? Is it because you've learned about her that much or is it your own insecurity? What's best possibility that might happen? Worst? What if nothing happens? If you're happy for this situation now why to change it? Do you hope that you might end up being friends? More? Do you even want to be friends with her after what she did? Do you want her or want her to want you? If so, why ask other questions?

Foreseeing future is hard thing to do. Only way to do it is by reading history.

If tiger would come to sheep and say that she's changed would sheep believe her? Would they pasture together and eat grass? Tiger is hunter. It's her instinct. Sure, you love stripes. But there still are zebras and they eat grass too. Sheep cannot chance tiger. Sheep cannot chance anything. With zebras, sheep does not have to. Can tigers be tamed? Yes they can be. But it's still tiger. And you know how cats are. Even when you get along them well you will get cuts. How much scars she gave you hurted? Can you take it another time? Do you WANT to take it another time?  Some of us do want to be dominated, hurted, even abused. Some have even pleasure of it. Others, they just feel that they've been castrated. What's your desire? Is it realistic? Can you achieve it? Do you even want to achieve it even if you could?

People can't chance. Their soul will stay same. Their actions may chance but the inside stays the same. It's same as with alcoholics. Even when they don't drink they are still alcoholics. They don't harm anyone, not even themselves anymore but if they drink even sip of alcohol it could mean that old days are back again. Change prevails until one gives permission to oneself to get back to old patterns, even once. It's same as with cheating. None cheats until they give permission for themselves to cheat. Not fighting against temptation, when it occurs, is permission to cheat. People give up. You know her past. Even if she's changed it might reverse some day. Can you trust her? Do you have faith in her? If you don't trust or don't believe that she is changed it's only hope left that you have.

If you play cards, do you want to put everything on one card that you hope to be winning card? I have done so sometimes and won. Sometimes I've lost. When I did have card that I have faith in I have won more often. When I did trust that my card will win I've won most. Just measure the risk and decide your bet. In love one does tend to put everything to game. Their soul, their heart, everything. That's why it hurts so much when it fails. Are you risk-taker?

I've not been on same situation where you are now. You can go, have nice chat and everything goes fine. Another chapter in life ends well. Or then not. Anyway it ends up it's your decision. You have accepted her apologies and you are not indebted to her anyway. As far as it goes this chapter might end as well here. It's still happy ending if you're asking me. What more could you both get by meeting? What could you get? Is it worth it?

Sorry. I keep asking questions instead of answers. I hope that they can help you to figure out what you want to do. Which way you ever choose to do, good luck with your decision. I hope that it goes best way possible.

[cloudstrifex]

Beautiful....simply beautiful! *tears*

[the ru]

My immediate reaction is: Don't.

I don't believe in people changing. I don't believe in "let's be friends". I see no way through it without a lot of suffering.

[Trias]

This sounds all very, very familiar...

Well, in my case, the feelings were gone after such a long period of time, so I had not much to lose by seeing her again.... or I even learned about that I got finally over her by meeting her again...

[MDX]

Thank you all, cept magicman and especially Gravehill, i expected much, and you did produce. And those questions are interesting ones indeed, theyre in my head, turning about within the cogs so ill definetly have alot more to think about now.


Funnily enough gravehill, her name is Cat, i felt it ok to say now seeing you brough up the sheep tiger reference. Very interesting. Maybe somethings are too good to be true, and i should just let it be. I'm motionless on the decision, for now, however.

[Jack Lupino]

Well ,let's just hope you're the "win" with this situation aswell.

[Torp v2.0]

Actually, Mecha, you also forgot to remove the name once in your text. So we knew already.

Unlike what Gravehill said, people can change. People can change a whole lot, for better or for worse. It's all about what they experience. I'm a different person today than I was five years ago. Obviously, there are similarities, but I am still not the person I was. There have been fundamental changes to my worldview, and there have been less groundshaking changes.

To say that one cannot change, that a person is always who he or she was, is completely wrong in my ears. Change takes time and the right conditioning (that is, the person must realize that what he or she does hurts not only others, but himself as well, typically by being hurt by his own actions (either directly, or through someone instilling the conditioning (almost like Pavlov and his dogs :-) )), but also possibly through a whole lot of insight), but it happens. And it happens to everybody, as long as they have new experiences. The more alike to your own frame of mind and worldview your experiences are, the less you change, the more you remain the same, and the deeper your traits will be ingrained. New, different experiences, regardless of whether you conciously decide to better yourself and therefore go out and get the required experience, or because you're trust into them by forces outside of your control, will change who you are. There's no core that's unmalleable, though some traits are more deeply ingrained into your personality, and therefore more difficult to change.

[Drain]

Something almost like that happened to me about a year ago. We decided to be friends and now we are friends. Worked out fine. But our feelings for eachother wernt THAT strong and people work differently so I guess its up to you :p

[MDX]

Actually, Mecha, you also forgot to remove the name once in your text. So we knew already.

lol so i did.


Hmm, well its both arguements that im gonna have to choose for myself, damnit it isnt any easier like..

I would like it if she'd have changed, if i could go out with her again would i? i have a totally different life now, there are so many aspect i dont know how to hold onto and focus with.. meh, thanks again guys, torp v.much included.

[Lexx]

Fuck girls.
There. I said it.

That causes just as much trouble.

[Cerapter]

I also believe people can change. Perhaps it's because I'm not old enough to see that error in that, but you never know.

Perhaps she has changed. Perhaps she's no longer the person who hurt you over and over. But if she has changed, that also means she's no longer the person you loved either. And if you were to gain more feelings for the new her, it would — arguably — be on false grounds.

[CrunchyLizard]

Not that I have much experience in this field, but I guess you could give her a chance to show if she has changed or not.

Before you give her that chance, though, you should determine whether or not you want to take her back if she has actually changed and whether or not you'll be able to let go of her again if she hasn't. If she hasn't changed you just let go of her and avoid getting back into the same mess as before, but if she actually has changed to the better you can just keep on loving her as you did earlier.

[the ru]

People can change a whole lot, for better or for worse.

This sounds a bit out of place, coming from someone who describes himself as cynical.

Of course motivations and experience changes over time, but I still believe we remain mostly the same during our lives. Someone who sees everyone else as rivals and gets pissed off whenever losing is unlikely to ever learn to appreciate a fair and friendly competition. Those who are primarily concerned with their own well-being are unlikely to ever understand the needs of others. Gullible idiots rarely learn their lesson and let others keep abusing them. Bitter and dejected people usually bury themselves ever deeper, to shield themselves from the outside world.

Over all, there are a few nice people, but most are just rotten and deceitful within (at least in our western civilization; I haven't had the pleasure to get to know every indian or african, perhaps they are "better" people). Or maybe I just think the worst about people because I really see these flaws in myself but doesn't want to accept them, and just decide to blame everyone else instead.

There were some other things I was going to write but I'd better stop, I'm getting a bit emo here I think.

Anyway, about MYMs problem; if you think you can handle it, go for it. Are you ready to lower your shields and expose yourself to her malice once again? You'll have to, if [you want] things [to] get serious again. OTOH, why the hell should you care? You've already given her too many chances; she couldn't handle it, move on, nothing more to see here. There are way too many fine partners out there, waiting, to allow oneself to get hung up on someone who just keeps bringing more misery. If I was in a similar situation, I'd probably choose not to see her again, but as I know neither of you, I'm not qualified to provide anything more than very vague and ambiguous thoughts that will probably just make it harder to reach a decision.

Or you could go for alternative C: trick someone you don't like into meeting her instead. If they become a couple and she turns out to still be the bitch she was back then, you've won that knowledge without effort, and you've given your nemesis a personal hell as well. If they become a couple and she does prove to have changed, you could simply slay her new mate, burn their village and steal the woman back to your tribe. Either way, you win.