Nah.
So does the story have to be about anything or topic related? Ill go with topic related.
So a few weeks ago, this girl contacts me. Her name is C(ill not say what it is, changed my mind) , and she's one of my most notorious exes of all time. I make it sound epic, it was somewhat in the most passionate, yet insane relationship ive ever been in, and i've never loved somebody so much for so little.
To be more precise, she contacted me yes, apologising for what she did to me in the past, which was alot, and asked me if i wanted to meet up for a drink or a coffee, no pressure insued, so i can say no and she would totally understand my decision. So i've been mulling it over.. and i still havent said yes.
btw, here's the history part:So 2 years ago, and a bit, as it was infact 2003 old years night, and i was at a house party with friends and mixing it up with a previous ex at that party, who then in turn rather than fix things up with me decided to lay down the law by kissing one of my friends, who never knew we went out, because of course at that time we werent that close of friends, anyway. That pretty much destroyed that nite for me, antoher love down the drain it would seem and another lesson to begin slowly learning itself in my noggin. Girls eh? Anyway thats not the point. That night saw alot of drinking, thinking, playing drums (there was a drumkit at this party) and playing piano (there was a piano at this party).
Infact i think its really where i found that my only true escape is music. Again, another story.
So i'm freaking out and i just go and lie down and let it all flow outta me, the rage and the drink, im not an angry drunk, but drink sure as hell doesnt dampen your emotions, well it does, but .. ack you know what i mean. Anyway, C appears, sits with me, asks me am i ok etc, as nobody actually did, NONE of my friends the entire night, granted it was a crazy party of 50 problems. Everybody was having some fight with somebody. So yeah. She sat with me, and i noticed her from then.. but thought nothing of it. So a month later its my birthday, and all my friends head out, my friend and i have the same birthday by a few days; i decided to turn up late and pull a surprise entrance, to which everybody adored and C freaked out and was totally happy i was there.. talked with her the whole night, got on really well, then she pulled me up to the dance floor and we did that thing where you .. ahhh whats it, kiss. yeah. lots.
So this goes on all night, and something begins of it.
The relationshit beginsNow this is one hurriance of a relationship, for me anyway. As it became so passionate yet so unbalanced, in the sense i could love everything about her, and hate everything she did to me; cheat on me, lying to me, deceiving and treating me like shit, but it came to such a stage that i was consumed with love for this girl, i couldn't let her go, and just took it, took everything she did to me, which was worse than what that other ex did to me tenfold.. this went on for about a year and a half.. and the lies got as bad as she was moving to england and couldnt be with me anymore, but wanted to stay.. and her dad beat her.. and god if any of my friends ever began reading this forum id be killed for sharing this information. But yeah, she was a mindfuck of the highest order. Cheated on me several times, and then i let it go, and said one last chance. And she fucked it up.
An aquaintance of mine from my old college, we'll call him CJ, asked me if it was ok that he took C to his formal/prom whatever you call it. I said, yeah, thats ok, as long as he didnt try anything, he said he wouldnt. And i said ok, and repeated myself. (can you see where this is going? yeah thought so) So they ended up getting off, and cat told him that she had nothing to do with me anymore, then told me differently after, i believed him, and yeah, i was right to. Another lie from the girls mouth, and the deed was done. I broke it off with her and never spoke to her again since.
Coming back for moreShe knew she'd done wrong at that stage and couldn't undo it.. so things fell silent for about a year, then at a friend of mines birthday party, she turned up, she knew the friend, infact went to school with, it used to be normal for her to appear, but i def sensed something iffy about it.. but continued my night, enjoyed myself and drank on with company. So im sitting in the back garden in a toy pirate ship, massive thing, like a jungle wooden jim. Amazing, ANYWAY.. my company of friends gets exchanged for the company of C, who asks if she can come up and speak with me.
N.B. She came to this party with a boy, whose name is Max. what a wanker, i can tell you his name, i dont like him one bit. Bell end.She sits down beside me, begins to talk to me, asking how i am, etc, what im at, and then begins to apologise, and cry and splutter about how what she did was wrong, but she wasnt sorry, she knew her bf was watching, and then she does it "i still love you". I mean, what the fuck? why bother? she never told me she loved me in the first place, i told her i loved her, so it was far from balanced. If you still love somebody you should love them in the first place, im pretty convinced she didnt love me, she could simply stand me being around, and i could just about withold myself being around the chaos.
So i kept it cool, and said you dont mean this, trying to reason with her, and then i got saved by a few friends, who and pulled me away.. nothing happened. It was silent again.
Now i dont know how long ago that was, but it was LONG. At least a year ago. This timeline sucks but it was all pretty far back. So heres the thing..
The point of this story?She contacted me, said hey on msn, i saw it, and kinda trembled.. that feeling you get when a bit of your grim past just appears BAM in your face? i hadnt seen her in so long, i could barely reply, but i thought.. fuck it, what have i got to lose now, im over it, its gone, its past. We sat and talked, got along well like we used to, really well. She said she had honestly changed since then, and didnt know what she was at back then; said she was in a stupid place and really had no good reasoning for any of her actions, put herself on the line and accepted that she was a total bitch and fucked it up big time and didn't expect any good feedback from me if any, but just wanted to apologise.
I accepted it. I said its ok, its past, and it IS past.. but itll always stick with me, but i must admit its made me stronger, so i guess in a way i should thank her, but nah. In all seriousness, i wouldn't.
We kept talking, and she said how she doesnt feel that a sorry over msn is really geniune, and would like to meet up with me for a coffee or a drink or whatever i want, so she can apologise face to face. That one stuck me in my tracks; she left it open for a overweighted NO over a yes, and i said maybe in a month once im back in college, she took that as a no and said thats ok i had a feeling you would say no, but i totally understand.
I said, its not a no, its a delayed yes.
And so..I sit here now with this question in my head, should i go and meet up with her? Is this all she wants? or could she try again for me? And whats more, would i be stupid enough to let her pull me in again, or is it worth trying again. The only reason i stuck with her was because i loved her so much. I believed i could change her ways if i just stuck with her, stayed faithful and by her side, helping her with whatever, whenever. But it never worked then, if she really is changed, like i always wished she'd become, is it worth another try? or should i just keep moving on, and not open this door again?
I ask your forum opinions. And karma is optional in this situation. To me, but to you all, i shall happily applaud for your useful feedback. Gravehill? *cough*
