Author Topic: meh. girlfriend.  (Read 7592 times)

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Offline Spunky

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Re: meh. girlfriend.
« Reply #45 on: July 11, 2006, 02:06:04 pm »
Thats really sad to hear, but at the same time what else could you have done?

I'm in a similar situation myself at the moment but i've chosen the option to wait and i've been waiting a very very long time...

Girls will always ALWAYS try to blame it on you as they cannot stand to think it was their own fault. I'm sure when they sit down and think about it they will eventually realise it, but my opinion coming form a similar place, you did the right thing and there was nothing more you could do.
« Last Edit: July 11, 2006, 02:07:58 pm by Spunky »
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Offline Kasumi-Astra

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Re: meh. girlfriend.
« Reply #46 on: July 11, 2006, 02:40:58 pm »
There's not long to go, right, Spunky?

Things have been a bit difficult for me and SpiderChii recently. She's been unemployed since January, and if she didn't get a job by September, then she'd be moving back home to Reading and I'd have to find a place in halls at the last minute. Of course, she's found a perfect job with Virgin since, but it was so draining for both of us every time she got turned down. Living together through this also made life very tough, and we've had more than our fair share of arguements.

Of course, she's got the job now which is the news we've been waiting for all year. This means we can stay in Sheffield together for my final year of university, and indefinately afterwards. I'm still doing my best to save as much money for next year, but I feel so relieved that we've been able to scrape through. The next two months are going to be one hell of a rollercoaster ride, it's going to go so fast because I'm so busy and I've got so many things to do with my life.

Offline Laser.T

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Re: meh. girlfriend.
« Reply #47 on: July 11, 2006, 03:16:40 pm »
That sucks dude, you have my sympathies. What\'s the biggest pity is that you\'ve lost your friendship that you had before. Not going out, fine, you\'re just not compatible it seems, but losing a friend sucks. She may just be reacting badly, having just been dumped, and maybe she\'ll forget about it in time and you can hang out again naturally. For now I suggest leaving it and letting things occur as they will. Don\'t force friendship, but when an opportunity arises, say a party or gathering of mates that include you and her, make it obvious that you\'re okay with it all now and your open to friendship once again and hopefully she\'ll react positively.

Offline Cerapter

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Re: meh. girlfriend.
« Reply #48 on: July 11, 2006, 03:50:03 pm »
I made a semi-lenghty post, then I accidentally hit the "EAT" button on the keyboard. :(

Girls will always ALWAYS try to blame it on you as they cannot stand to think it was their own fault.

Actually, my ex immediately blamed herself, and I'd still disagree with that.

Many people do have the "blaming instinct", though, turning them cold and unfriendly around breakups. What's not that evident is that it's a coping technique. Some feelings, and anger especially, are like emotional morphine. Turning to such a resort, she must be feeling terrible right now, but at least she has a way to deal with it.

Girls perhaps more than guys, tend to let feelings overrule both moral and reason. This may lead to questionable plot holes in their side of the story; things they can't explain, justify or even understand themselves. Her increasing distance from you might have merely been a subconscious urge, something she felt a need to do even though she didn't want to.

However, I wouldn't say that's the case here. Seemingly, she's been acting unreasonable without giving any explanation. Noone should do that to their significant other. If she's so controlled and enveloped by her own feelings that she doesn't even have a clue why she went and did stuff she didn't want to, then she's got a problem, but I don't think that's the case. I don't even know if it's possible to be so clueless. She is hiding something, and to hide it even now, who knows.
Just close your eyes and keep your mind wide open.


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Re: meh. girlfriend.
« Reply #49 on: July 11, 2006, 04:22:26 pm »
old thread revival. sorry... i need to vent again.

exams ended, and me and my gf carried on arguing. i carried on doing everything i could to resolve things, but she kept acting all weird and evasive. she carried on telling me she still loved me and that she still wanted to be with me, but she kept cancelling on me, and i only ever saw her when i was tagging along with her and her mates, or with her family outings.

about a week ago i decided i'd had enough, and told her i wanted to end things. she begged me for another chance. i told her that i didnt want to see her anymore until she could prove to me that she wanted to be with me (not really a hard task, in my opinion). for the next couple of days we didnt meet up, all we did was talk awkwardly on msn for a bit. for the last two days she stopped coming on msn.

after a chat with my mum, we both agreed that my gf definitely didnt want to be with me, and the best i could hope for was that we'd stay mates. i phoned her this morning and told her that i definitely wanted to stay friends, and we agreed that it would be best for both of us. i didnt want to end things not knowing why everything went so wrong, so i asked her. she told me she didnt know, and that she still loves me. she told me she'd done everything she could. i told her to stop lying, because all she'd done was avoid seeing me. she accused me of not trying either, so i hung up the phone.

pretty shit way to end things. i feel absolutely gutted. over the past couple of months ive put everything i have into making this relationship work. i knew there was something wrong for a long time, but she wouldnt tell me what it was. i just feel like... if she told me how she felt a month or two ago she could have saved me so much heartache. ive put my all into this relationship.. but ultimately there was absolutely nothing i could have done to save it. and now i dont think we'll even stay friends, which is awful, cause she's been my best mate for a couple of years, even before we started going out. on the phone this morning she sounded like a different person, it was horrible. she just sounded... cocky... and every opportunity she got she tried argue with me. i just wanted to decipher what i could have done to make things better... but all she wanted to do was make me feel worse.

sorry for wasting all your time, and sorry if nothing i said makes any sense... i just needed to vent

maybe this is a sign that i should stick with men... ;)

* SomethingApt slowly shifts closer to mdx

As much as you like somebody it's never nice to have to realise that you're probably better off parting ways, but when she's being like that to you, you're in the better position to walk away. Seems like she was just gonna leave you hanging, god.. i really hope all girls aren't the same, because i could put the same time line of events that happened with you and your ex, bar a few horrifying and seriously heartbreaking anecdotes in between, and it would fit perfectly in.

Btw, i'm avail jammin, always for you ;)

But yeah, i feel compelled to read your posts as long as they go, and i rarely read long posts tbh. I'm lazy. But you're not wasting anybodys time. If you wanna vent more go ahead. It helps. I know my past venting here helped me. At the end of the day it IS experience, and i don't mean to say that in a cold way, i mean its part of your life that helps you grow; which you can look at as the do's and don'ts and avoid's of relationships, but i think for your first relationship you did the best you could and thats better than what most other people would; relationships rely on the foundation of the characters involved, and you're a good guy, i believe had it have been with any girl, you still woulda been the good boyfriend you were to her, and whatever her problem is, she isn't willing to deal with it, yet. Hopefully in time she will, but you're better than to worry about that.

Anyway, without repeating myself over and over, ill sit back and wait for new replies with the intent to "rock your socks", come bedtime, of course.

Offline SomethingApt

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Re: meh. girlfriend.
« Reply #50 on: July 11, 2006, 06:58:15 pm »
thanks for the replies guys, you're all great! :P ;D

it's funny... i almost feel relieved now that it's over. as much as i loved being with her, ive known for the last couple of weeks that we weren't going to last for long, not if she didn't change her attitude. i can confidently say with 100% certainty that i did absolutely everything i could, which means that i'm left without a guilty conscience. the only thing that kept me trying to fix things over the last few weeks was the hope that she'd go back to the way she was, but she's clearly made up her mind about how she feels, and there's nothing i can do to change that. im going to phone her again this evening and give being friends another shot. we have so much in common, it'd be a real shame if we just went our seperate ways.


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Re: meh. girlfriend.
« Reply #51 on: July 11, 2006, 07:07:25 pm »
Word compadré.

but dont relax just YET BECAUSE YOUR SIGANTURE XBOX LIVE THINGY IS BROKEN OMG!! *girlish screams*

But honestly, good shit.. worth saving a friendship, they're definetly alot more settled than relationships tend to be.

Offline Kernel

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Re: meh. girlfriend.
« Reply #52 on: July 12, 2006, 02:07:40 am »
Oh man...

Hard to lose a relationship, for sure. But it's even harder to stay friends afterwards. Friendship with someone who's been together with you for a long time is always hard, for you both are going to remember those feelings all the time. It takes a long time for your feelings to settle down and accept this new way. I have lost a relationship recently, to someone I loved very much (and still like a lot). We decided to stay friends, cause we have so much in common, and still like each other as friends.
But everytime we talk, it's really strange. She told me that she felt strange when I'm around, and I do, as well. It's just not the same thing that it'd been before. I really hope we can find that friendship again, some time in the future.

And so I hope for you. It takes time for feelings to calm down, but I hope we're gonna make it ^^
« Last Edit: July 12, 2006, 02:09:17 am by Kernel »