Author Topic: A couple lyrics I've written -- what do you all think?  (Read 5884 times)

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Offline finaleclipse06

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A couple lyrics I've written -- what do you all think?
« on: February 27, 2006, 07:16:01 am »
Here's a couple lyrics I've written. I'd like constructive comments and criticisms. Thanks! :)

Super Sonic Love Song

Take me on board.
You know the way.
I’ll be the passenger.
And you’ll be the pilot.

We’re ready for takeoff,
Just make sure your seatbelt’s fastened.
Accelerate!
Keep steady, it’s gonna get faster from here.

Go super sonic!
Faster than the speed of sound!
Oh, ah, that’s the way.

How do you like
Flying at this speed?
Does it entice you?
Accelerate!
Keep steady; we’ll go faster than sound now.

Faster than light!

(Insert insanely fast guitar solo 8))

Ah, oh.

Your flight is at its last leg,
Did you enjoy the trip?
Decelerate!
Keep steady as the landing gear goes down.

We’re at the terminal,
It’s time for you to depart,
So the next flight can begin.

Ringleader

Blind and fallen,
The ghost struggles to
Regain his eyesight.
In hindsight he sees
All that was left behind.

Imagine if you will, my friend,
A frigid gale,
Cutting open the scars
Obedience leaves.

If my vision were to leave me
I’d hope that you’d be my eyes
As my friend.
As my friend I’d hope you’d guide me
Through the perils of this trial.
It’s testing me.
Where do I want to be?

I’ve been following the puppeteer
For too long.
Cut the strings that hold me fast
To his control.
If I could free myself,
I’d have been free long ago,
But I can’t.
I’m at the wrong end.

Imagine if you will, my enemy,
An eruption of napalm,
Torching the theater
Containing your horrible magic.

If my vision were to leave me
You’d take full advantage
As my enemy
As my enemy I know you’d leave me,
Feed me to the wolves.
They’re all I
Never needed.

My bones are dry, licked clean
By savage tongues.
Who I thought I was,
Is not who I am.
Who am I?
What’s my purpose?
I don’t know anymore.
I’ve been following the
Ringleader for far too long.

I don’t know you anymore,
You look so very different
In this new mirror.
Is it really you?
Yes, but how I have changed.

I no longer possess the
Mind of a newborn infant.
I’m beginning to learn
Who I am.
I’m beginning to understand
Why I was put here,
What I’m supposed to do.
I know now.

The puppeteer lost his control.
I am now me.
I’m no longer him.
I’m not the ghost anymore.
I’m among the living.
I’m not the ghost.
I live.
I’m alive.

Offline Armakuni

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Re: A couple lyrics I've written -- what do you all think?
« Reply #1 on: February 27, 2006, 11:06:48 am »
well they are lyrics ^^ im just curious what kind of music it is :)
cause those lyrics are pretty different if played / sung like death metal or like power metal ballad

Offline finaleclipse06

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Re: A couple lyrics I've written -- what do you all think?
« Reply #2 on: February 27, 2006, 04:19:25 pm »
I was thinking more like rock style singing/screaming and playing. :)

Offline Armakuni

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Re: A couple lyrics I've written -- what do you all think?
« Reply #3 on: March 03, 2006, 08:44:42 pm »
ahh cool, could you give us a sample when ready? ;)

Offline finaleclipse06

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Re: A couple lyrics I've written -- what do you all think?
« Reply #4 on: March 03, 2006, 09:11:03 pm »
Sure! :) But it most likely won't be for a while, b/c I'd like to improve more at singing/screaming before putting my songs/lyrics/whatever :P out on the internet.

Offline Armakuni

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Re: A couple lyrics I've written -- what do you all think?
« Reply #5 on: March 04, 2006, 11:09:03 am »
 we recored our first gig(first gig ever!) with a digital camera ^^ btw this was at my old school (last year) and this was about 2-3 years ago   ;D
but i guess its worth the wait, just post a thread about it when done!

Lysander

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Re: A couple lyrics I've written -- what do you all think?
« Reply #6 on: March 05, 2006, 08:50:49 pm »
I was thinking more like rock style singing/screaming and playing. :)

If its screaming, the lyrics can be anything, can't they? As you can't usually understand a word said.  ;)

Offline finaleclipse06

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Re: A couple lyrics I've written -- what do you all think?
« Reply #7 on: March 05, 2006, 11:12:14 pm »
I can understand what they're saying...sometimes.... :P And the rest of the time I either can't understand, or I can sorta tell what the person screaming is saying. But I'd say that most of my screaming is pretty easy to understand. :P

Offline Jack Lupino

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Re: A couple lyrics I've written -- what do you all think?
« Reply #8 on: March 06, 2006, 02:12:59 am »
I was thinking more like rock style singing/screaming and playing. :)

If its screaming, the lyrics can be anything, can't they? As you can't usually understand a word said.  ;)
But they sure as hell do matter.

Lysander

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Re: A couple lyrics I've written -- what do you all think?
« Reply #9 on: March 06, 2006, 02:41:55 pm »
But they sure as hell do matter.

Gief good screamo plx!

Offline Jack Lupino

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Re: A couple lyrics I've written -- what do you all think?
« Reply #10 on: March 06, 2006, 07:27:56 pm »
But they sure as hell do matter.

Gief good screamo plx!
As I Lay Dying
Unearth

chompy

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Re: A couple lyrics I've written -- what do you all think?
« Reply #11 on: March 07, 2006, 05:55:43 pm »
*removed due to stupid reasons
« Last Edit: March 08, 2006, 09:05:28 am by Mr Chomp Chomp »

Offline Armakuni

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Re: A couple lyrics I've written -- what do you all think?
« Reply #12 on: March 07, 2006, 06:02:11 pm »
i just found out some dude has a dvd with our gig on it ^^

Offline finaleclipse06

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Re: A couple lyrics I've written -- what do you all think?
« Reply #13 on: March 07, 2006, 07:54:15 pm »
What?! Do you think I ripped off someone else's lyrics? :o Actually the way the song came about is that I originally intended it for a lyric-writing contest hosted by USA Weekend. That is, until I found out that the theme of 'Come Together' wasn't in such a broad sense as I had thought it was. :-[ The theme was focused on how the US has 'come together' through what it has gone through during the past year, not 'come together' in any sort of way. :P

Offline Jack Lupino

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Re: A couple lyrics I've written -- what do you all think?
« Reply #14 on: March 07, 2006, 08:02:49 pm »
hmmm well, i just don't think the whole sonic love speed thing works for ya.